The Moments That Change Our Lives
What are your life-changing moments? I think about life-changing moments a lot. These can be very small things to very big-time events. As I think about those moments that changed my life, I realized that they also changed my perspective. As my son enters his senior year in college we are experiencing the life-change of our developing an adult father-son relationship. This has caused me to reflect on changes that happened when I was younger, and made me feel like I was leaving my younger self behind. I was moving into adulthood, never to return. My son is moving into adulthood never to return to the “little man” as I always called him. The incredible Nothing More song, Fadein/Fadeout states it like this: “Son, I have watched you fade in; You will watch me fade out; I have watched you fade in; You will watch me fade out; When the grip leaves my hand; I know you won’t let me down.” I want to create as many moments possible with my son as he continues to fade-in.
We all had the chance to go to Matt Winn’s Steakhouse this weekend and our server, Brandon, who was awesome, got us to discussing life-changing events when he told us the biscuits would “change your life.” They did, by the way! What are those life-changing moments in our lives which reveal something powerful and influence our perspectives as we mature? We went on to discuss that the lobster tail “brought new meaning to life,” and the honey pie “is the answer to life.” I know these were goofy little quips to be coming up with, but they struck a deeper conversation about the fact that all the things we do in life change our life in some way. I even reflected on the times my mom and I use to spend lying on the ground looking up and clouds and imagining the shapes they made. Did this help shape the creative person I am today?
What are your life-changing moments? We all have those blips on our life’s metaphorical screen that shape our lives. We also need to consider the blips we are creating on others’ screens. Let’s make sure the life-changing events we bring to others are like the biscuits, lobster tail, and honey pie.
Digging Up The Past To Get Past This
Last night I facilitated an incredible gathering of up and coming educational leaders from Georgia, North and South Carolina, and Tennessee. The title is the evening was “Do You Really Want It?” I got the inspiration for this session from my friends in the band Nothing More. A couple of years ago I had the chance to spend some time in their tour bus with them visiting and talking about inspiration behind a couple of songs. They have an incredible song “Do You Really Want It?” that I use to prompt deep thought and reflection for discussion concerning change, diversity, and overcoming our American demons (a term introduced in the song). Last night’s discussion did not disappoint.
Every time I facilitate this discussion one stanza always comes up. “You gotta dig up the past to get past this.” I have been contemplating this a lot lately with all that is going on in the world. We must study the past and that sometimes involves digging up the past. But, we must get better at doing that in a productive way that allows us to actually learn from that past. I’ve been reading a lot on this and am reading Why Don’t We Learn From History by military historian B. H. Liddell Hart right now.
In the book we are told that when we’re able to learn from history, we can literally change the world. Otto von Bismarck “famously claimed that only fools learn from their own experiences. Truly visionary leaders – according to Bismarck – draw inspiration and insight from the experiences of others.” That is why we must study all leaders, even those in the background and behind the scenes, to learn from the good and the bad.
“History is the record of man’s steps and slips. It provides us with the opportunity to profit by the stumbles and tumbles of our forerunners.”
B. H. Liddell Hart
Every person needs to be studying history in order to broaden our understanding of the world. “Sure, an 80-year-old may have decades of life lessons to guide her actions, but a student of history will have hundreds or thousands of years’ worth of data to draw upon.” Hart taught us that, “Historians must pursue the truth even when it is uncomfortable.” I loved that Hart discussed that the context that the events of the past took place, the context of any documents created, and any biases must be taken into account when studying history.
We have an obligation to study history and it is critical that we provide history and civics lessons that students can apply as they become citizen leaders. In another great book I’m reading right now by Matt Haig, How To Stop Time: A Novel, Tom Hazard answered the question of how he would bring history alive for students by saying, “There was no easier question in the world. ‘History isn’t something you need to bring to life. History already is alive. We are history. History isn’t politicians or kings and queens. History is everyone. It is everything. It’s that coffee. You could explain much of the whole history of capitalism and empire and slavery just by talking about coffee. The amount of blood and misery that has taken place for us to sit here and sip coffee out of paper cups is incredible.’” This is so true and thus we must make history and civics relevant for our students. We must be infusing real world issues and problems into the instruction, so our students can apply and adapt learning.
Because our youth are our future citizen leaders, we have an obligation to make the fountain of wisdom unattainable through mere personal experience that studying history provides. Let’s all do our part to study and teach history so we have the hundreds or thousands of years’ worth of data to draw upon.
“Today I am Wise So I Am Changing Myself”
I love studying the work of the great philosophers. As I was studying the work of William James while writing Open Your Mind To The Past & All Of This May Mean Something I came across another great philosopher I hadn’t thought about in a while, Rumi. Actually, I guess really he is considered a poet and scholar. His words of wisdom from the 13th Century have continued to stand the test of time. I’m also impressed with the global impact of his work.
“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.” ~ Rumi
My favorite Rumi quote is, “Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.” When I think about who I was 10, 20, 30, 40, or, well you get the idea, years ago I am now a very changed person. Early on I was all about changing the world as fast as I could. Now, I’ve learned and gained the wisdom to realize I need to keep evolving and changing myself so I can be best suited to contribute to the world today.
One of my favorite rock bands is Nothing More. They have a song, “Do You Really Want It?” that I use as a throughline for a leadership development session. There is a line in the song that is very impactful; it says, “Everybody wants to change the world; But one thing’s clear; No one ever wants to change themselves.” Spot on! I had the chance to have a long philosophical conversation on the bands tour bus a couple of years ago.
“Everybody wants to change the world; But one thing’s clear; No one ever wants to change themselves.” ~ Nothing More
Here’s the deal: changing ourselves doesn’t mean becoming a different person. It means improving ourselves to become a better person. If we’re doing it right we become self-aware, aware of others, develop a growth mindset, find meaning and purpose in our lives.
“All because we hate the buzzkill.” ~ Nothing More
We must learn to understand ourselves better. We must also develop empathy for others, authentically love ourselves, become values driven, and be authentic in all we do. Another line in the Nothing More song says, “All because we hate the buzzkill.” When I was visiting with their lead singer, Jonny Hawkins about this line he said we always get frustrated with all the people who are not authentic and talk a big change for the better talk, but are in it for themselves. He also stated these folks are really “virtue signaling”; just trying to say they are better than us. I wrote about this in Leading Without Virtue Signaling.” So, we need to better ourselves to be in a position to contribute positive change to the world. Rumi had it right!
Is Your “Want To” Big Enough?
This morning I flipped through the television channel to see what was going on in the world and stopped on a channel with one of my favorite preachers, Joel Olsteen. When I tuned in he was asking the question, “How big is your ‘want to’?” I love this question. Many times our “want to” must get to a certain size for us to make a change or go after a desire.
This went right along with a discussion we had this past week in our 3D Leadership Program about the statement in Nothing More’s song Do You Really Want It?, “Everyone wants to change the world, but one thing is clear, no one wants to change themselves.” How big your “want to” is goes right along with this.
Your “want to” is how bad do you want to accomplish something. It is your “want to” that will be your driving force behind how far you go and how much success you will have with it. Many people like to talk big games, but “talk” and your “want to” are two different things. You have to really want something in life in order to accomplish it, especially if it is a big goal or aspiration. As with all big goals and aspirations there will usually be a lot of obstacles and roadblocks that will pop up along the way.
Other people call it your “purpose”. Some call it your “why”. Your “want to” is what it really is. How bad you want it, or answering the question Nothing More asks, “Do you really want it?” is what it really comes down to. Your “want to” will determine how far you will go to ensure success. The bigness of your “want to” must rise to match the power hidden in the thing you want.
Bottom-line: until your “want to” gets big enough, we will never make the changes, or do the necessary preparation, or other things needed to do the desired action. To achieve great things to change the world, you need a big “want to”. Your big “want to” should inspire and drive you to take the necessary action to achieve it.
We Hate The Buzz Kill
“Everybody wants to change the world…But one thing’s clear…No one ever wants to change themselves…That’s the way things are…All because we hate the buzzkill…Jaded when we need to feel…But we can change it all if you really want it.” ~ Nothing More in the song Do You Really Want It?
Today in our 3D Leadership, session with North and South Carolina participants, we discussed the concept of a buzz kill. This was prompted by a discussion and analysis of the lyrics to the great Nothing More song Do You Really Want It?
Beware of the buzz kill. That person who is in your organization, community, class, school, or government who takes a perfectly good idea, concept, or change and shucks it off as being worthless or not meeting their own values. They do it with their negativity and virtue signaling. The thing about buzz kills is they are usually smart, respected, and rationale people. they appear to be very noble in their actions, but are full of crap at the same time. Their points may make sense, but we do not want to hear them at the time. The goal of the buzz kill is to have you join their misery.
We also need to be aware that we can create the buzz kill for ourselves and those around us. Think about times when you’ve poo poo’d someone else’s, or your own dreams or steps to changing the world. Remember, if you are not experimenting with new ideas, you are probably stuck with old, out of date ones. Notions change all the time, after all. Stick with old ideas, and your thinking will end up obsolete.
We can change it all if we really want it. Ignore the buzz kill!
Shaking Our American Demons
This past week I started a session of our Noble Education Initiative 3D Leadership Program by playing the song “Do You Really Want It?” by Nothing More. The participants were to listen and graphically reflect on what the song meant to them as leaders. Click here to read another post, “What Do You Really Want?”, I wrote about this song and see a music video of the song. One of the things we discussed during this pat Thursday’s session was a phrase in the song (Do You Really Want It?) that says, “We say ‘give me a sign that proves what I believe in’ So I can shake these American demons.”
This was actually a phrase I discussed with Johnny Hawkins when on the tour bus hanging out with Nothing More a week ago. Our 3D Leadership participants discussed it in much the same way as Johnny did. They talked about how, as Americans, we are so prosperous, but we do not set our future generations up for success.
As I reflect on this great discussion I think about how we, United States Of America, are so different from other countries of the world. For one thing, we were an experiment. Plus, American independence, of course, involved more than humility. It was an act of defiance rooted in an arm-long list of grievances. While pondering all this I went back and studied the Declaration Of Independence. The Declaration was the genius of our founders. I believe it was Abraham Lincoln that posited that the founders did not need much of what is in the Declaration just to declare our independence from Great Britain.
Our Founders, however, had the forethought, according to Lincoln, to add in these words to our Declaration Of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.” As I continue to read these words I believe this is our battle cry to shake our “American Demons.”
I believe it was incredibly visionary that our Founders included these concepts, knowing it would not be until later, when we actually got our government and society created that we would actually be able to begin to govern accordingly, and by these core values and beliefs. I also believe we have gotten away from walking the walk of our values we declared our independence with. What if we checked all our decisions against the fact we should secure our rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?
To me, the Declaration of Independence proclaims we are all created equal. This means that all human beings, regardless of religion, sex, or skin color, possess the same natural rights. The Founders had to know that different people are unequal in physical and mental capacities. I believe we can shake our “American Demons” by always remembering that however noticeable the differences between people may be, they are never so great as to deprive them of their rights.
Who We Are
After my post yesterday, I really got to thinking about this question of being bigger than something other than ourselves. You can click here to check out All The World’s A Stage. It’s actually pretty simple, however, we are all part of something bigger than ourselves, namely the universe. We often forget this, however, and we stop looking beyond our own body, opinion, experience, well-being, and other self interests. I constantly need to be reminded that, though I am tiny and only temporarily on this earth, I can take action toward outcomes that go beyond my own life, needs, comforts, desires, gains and losses — often through shared work with others, influencing decisions, or helping, coaching, or mentoring others.
Because it was my conversation with Johnny Hawkins, Mark Vollelunga, Daniel Oliver, and Ben Anderson, the band members of Nothing More, that really got me thinking about all this, I am going to point to one of their songs for inspiration. Honestly, I not paid very close attention to the words of their song, Who We Are, until they autographed the poster pictured here in this post, and gave it to me. It has the words to the song in the background. There’s a pretty powerful message in this song that who we are should keep us believing. Click here to watch the video of Who We Are by Nothing More.
“It’s who we are that keeps me believing
There’s something here bigger than ourselves
If I’m wrong then why am I still feeling?
Who we are, keeps me believing
Keeps me believing”
~ Chorus From Who We Are by Nothing More
This is actually very profound. Who we are is much more important than what we do. We need to focus on being bigger on the inside, our character, than we are on the outside, our influence. Think about it, if our character waivers, our influence becomes discounted. We must line our lives up with our values or we will live a life that is out of balance and devoid of the creative energy we need to achieve our true potential.
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? ” ~ Jesus in Mark 8:36
We also need to think about the chorus phrase, “It’s who we are that keeps me believing.” Think about that; it doesn’t say, “who I am” it says, “who we are.” This is profound when we think about leading or being part of our businesses and organizations, our communities, our schools, our country, or the larger aggregate of the world 🌎. Who we are and what we believe in aggregate matters. We need to create organizations, communities, countries, and a world 🌍 where we all matter.
“What we know matters but who we are matters more.” ~ Brené Brown
As it says in Who We Are, I want the “you, that’s in me, [to be] in everything.” Let’s work to create a world where we can “stand together” because of Who We Are!
All The World’s A Stage
Nothing More
My blog post yesterday was inspired by the incredible experience I had of having the honor to spend some time visiting with the members of Nothing More on their tour bus prior to the show at Ruoff Music Center this past Friday. Click here to read Leading Without “Virtue Signaling.” As I stated in that post, Johnny Hawkins, Mark Vollelunga, Daniel Oliver, and Ben Anderson, the band members of Nothing More, are four of the greatest guys you will ever meet. Today’s post was inspired by a chance conversation as we were getting off the tour bus. Standing in the doorway of the bus, I had a side conversation with Johnny Hawkins and Mark Vollelunga about how much their music made me reflect and think. I thanked them for using their talents and taking the risk to be who they are in the music business. They knew I was using their songs to introduce leadership concepts and spur thought and discussions in the leadership development work I do. I wanted them to know, however, how much the words they were creatively arranging into music were more that just that – words or music. For example, if you want to be moved, take a moment and click here and watch Fade In / Fade Out. This song really moves me because of losing my dad early in my adult life and now having a son.
Ruoff Music Center
I believe my comments caused them to reflect for a moment. Both Johnny and Mark became very reflective and appreciative of being reminded what they do is much bigger than them. They commented on sometimes forgetting and needing to be reminded that the music they make and the shows they put on make a difference in people’s lives. Mark said, “we need to remember that and take that seriously.” Johnny said, “we get caught up in doing the next show, looking for inspiration for the next song, writing the next song, or putting the next album together, but everything we do touches others.” Think about what they both were saying – they are doing something bigger than themselves. It isn’t about them, it is about connecting with their fans and influence. And…since leadership is influence, my friends in Nothing More are leaders. They just have a different, and I would argue, more exciting platform to lead from. Always remember, we all have a platform, everyone! It is our responsibility to use it to the fullest. I also believe it is our responsibility to help those whose stage might not reach the masses of Nothing More, reach his or her potential as well.
We’ve almost made the thought of being part of something bigger than ourselves cliche’. But, we all need to think about what stage we have chosen, or what stage we have available. What platform do we have to lead and influence, because we all have one. As William Shakespeare so wisely put it: “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts.” That really says it all. Think about all the lives we enter and exit. Think about all the parts we play in one day. Everyone is a leader from where she or he is, so we need to get up on stage and perform. Are you taking advantage of the platform you have right now to lead and make a difference from where you are?
Leading Without “Virtue Signaling”
Getting Ready To Get On Nothing More’s Tour Bus
Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity to spend time on the tour bus of one of my favorite rock bands before their concert at Ruoff Home Mortgage Music Center. The band was Nothing More. Those that know me know I love rock music and still dream of being a rock star. Hey, if my idol, Gene Simmons can still be rockin’ it at age 69, no reason why I don’t still have time, right? Anyway, back to the subject of this post. I believe we all imagine what goes on in a rock band tour bus, but I’ve got to tell you I was amazed by the deep conversation we had. I gotta tell you the conversation yesterday is going to span several blog posts.
First of all, Johnny Hawkins, Mark Vollelunga, Daniel Oliver, and Ben Anderson, the band members of Nothing More, are four of the greatest guys you will ever meet. They are super friendly and very deep and philosophical thinkers. Need I say more for you to understand my gravitation toward them. So, I asked them if they would tell me a little more about one of their songs, DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?,” that I use to introduce a leadership training session I do. Little did I know the great conversation that was about to begin. As I said earlier, the conversation is going to turn into several blog posts, but this morning’s is going to be about something that Johnny Hawkins talked about that really made me pause and think; think about my own actions, as well as others.
Johnny started talking about “virtue signaling.” If you would have told me we were going to talk “virtue signaling” on Nothing More’s tour bus before yesterday, I would have told you you were nuts. But, I gotta tell you, I really wanted to get back on the bus and ride to the next venue, and have one of those all night philosophical discussions. I loved Johnny’s visual description of “virtue signaling” when he took his fingers and made a circle ⭕️ symbolizing a button and held it to his chest. He talked about how this signaling is a camouflage. It’s noticeable how often virtue signalling consists of saying we hate things. Or, many times by saying we are for something, we are saying how much better we are than others. The emphasis on hate distracts from the fact we are really saying how good we are.
“Virtue signaling” is a habit we now have of indicating that one has virtue merely by expressing disgust or favor for certain political ideas, cultural happenings, or philosophical or religious beliefs. The phrase was coined by the British author, James Bartholomew. When we seize moments to throw a fit about what or who we hate, we many times are not really talking about the real issues or our philosophical differences with another person, we are just showing our vanity and try to signal to others how virtuous we are. As James Bartholomew said, “If you were frank and said, ‘I care about the environment more than most people do’ or ‘I care about the poor more than others’, your vanity and self-aggrandizement would be obvious. . . . Anger and outrage disguise your boastfulness.” In other words we are not talking anything of fact or substance. Johnny pointed out that we really need to take a step back and think about what we can do. This is much tougher than just saying we are going to solve world hunger, eliminate all racism, or make all schools great. Think about it. It is easy to say those things, but a much tougher conversation when we begin to think about what we are personally going to do.
We discussed how we talk about changing the world, but we really need to think about changing the things within the scope of what we can control or affect change. A big part of that is just changing and growing ourselves. That’s why I am so moved by the chorus in the lyrics of the song, DO YOU REALLY WANT IT? where it says, “Everybody wants to change the world, But one thing’s clear, No one ever wants to change themselves.” This is the chorus that I use for a major discussion among up and coming leaders. As you can see, this prompted an inspiring discussion that helped me grow as a person and leader that I have not even begun to scratch the surface on in this post. How about you? Do you really want it? What can you change? Are you willing to change yourself? Or will you “virtue signal” and blame others? Let’s take our “virtue buttons” of our chests and talk about substance and the issues not about the people and personalities.
Byron's Babbles 
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