The Leader Who Needs To Be A Hero
Yesterday while I was baling hay I heard a great song by Five Finger Death Punch, Nails In The Coffin. I’m sure I had heard the song before because I really like Five Finger Death Punch, but this time, for some reason, all the lyrics were really resonating with me. Interestingly, when the song was over there was a quick interview with a member of the band on Sirius XM Octane. In the interview it was said that the band loved the song because it could be related to almost any circumstance in life. My thought exactly!
The very first lines of the song really jumped out at me: “There has to be a catastrophe; In everything you say and do; It’s like an urge you need to purge; Until it’s bruised through and through; You turn the knife to make things right” Have you ever experienced a leader that always needed there to be some catastrophe or problem to solve? I have experienced this type of leader and sometimes thought they even created disasters so they could solve them. Sometimes we find ourself in the presence of a leader who needs to be the hero. Many times in this presence, others can’t do their best. The challenge is that during a catastrophe we need the best in each of us.
There is actually a name for the type of leader I am describing: Hero Syndrome. Hero Syndrome, also referred to as Hero Complex, refers to the need, usually of an individual, to look for, create, and solve issues to justify their self-worth. Saving the day fuels this leader’s ego and provides control. This can be dysfunctional and hurt others.
Now, don’t think I am saying that leaders should not solve problems. My point here is for us to keep in mind is that we need to make sure we are not serving as captains of crisis, but as leaders of collaboration, risk mitigation, processes, and cohesive systems.
The Allure Of Superficial Rewards
In his 1951 letter to Milton Waldman, included as part of The Silmarillion, J. R. R. Tolkien said, “Reward on earth is more dangerous for men than punishment!” This comment really stood out to me. It also stood out that he made this a part of his sub-creation of Middle-earth. This reflected his perspective on the allure of worldly success and material rewards. In his letter to Waldman, Tolkien was suggesting that the desire for earthly rewards, such as fame, riches, or status, can be more perilous because it can lead us away from true values, morals, and spiritual fulfillment.
While punishment might serve as a deterrent or correction, the pursuit of superficial rewards can deceive and corrupt an our character, fostering greed, pride, and complacency. Tolkien warned, as we can see in some of the characters of The Lord of the Rings, that the temptations of worldly gain can be more insidious and damaging than punishment because they can subtly lead people astray from a meaningful and morally upright life.
Lead By Guiding Not Bossing
Yesterday I did one of the things I love most: worked with students. Specifically I was working with elementary students. What I’ve learned over the years is, they can be very insightful on leadership. A fourth grader, while having a discussion about helping others, said, “I have learned it is better to guide others than to boss them.” In fact she wrote that on her name tent (see featured photo). This was quite the drop-the-mic moment. This young scholar gets a leadership attribute that some adults have trouble with. She went on to say that, “Others don’t like it when I’m bossy; they want me to help them.” More great insight!
I love the insights of young people. Her experience reminded us it is more effective and respectful to lead or mentor people by offering support, advice, encouragement, and help rather than simply giving orders or controlling them. Guiding involves inspiring and helping others grow, fostering cooperation and trust, whereas bossing may create resistance or resentment. I like to think of this as coming alongside others, shoulder-to-shoulder, and helping. Essentially, it emphasizes the value of leadership through understanding and collaboration rather than authority and commands.
Wowful Leadership: Merely Living Service, Character, and Presence Every Day
I am excited to share this video with you! It’s only seven minutes long, which research tells us is the ideal length of a keynote for listeners to learn the most from the content. I did this keynote at the Science Center on Harvard University’s campus as part of the London Organization of Skills Development 2026 Skills Live event. This video also serves as a pretty good trailer for my new book, Mere Leadership. You can get the book on Kindle, Audible, paperback, or hardcopy by clicking here. Click here to watch the video.
Don’t Be A Stranger To Yourself
I love the show Monk. Monk is a comedic mystery television series that followed Adrian Monk (Tony Shalhoub), a brilliant but obsessive-compulsive detective, as he solved complex crimes while battling his personal phobias and anxieties. The show combined humor with heartfelt moments, showcasing Monk’s unique skills and his quest for normalcy amidst his psychological struggles. While watching an old episode recently, Monk was told, “Don’t be a stranger to yourself.”
“Don’t be a stranger to yourself” means you should stay connected with your true self. We need to be self-aware of our feelings, values, and inner thoughts. Vulnerability, self-awareness, and authenticity are key here to reminding us not to lose touch with who we really are amidst life’s busy or external influences. I like to think of it as maintaining a genuine relationship with ourselves so we can understand and support our own needs and growth.
Being Vulnerable
Gandalf’s words at the end of J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Return of the King carry a deep and comforting message. When he said, “Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil” (p. 155), he was acknowledging to Sam, Merry, and Pippin as they said goodbye to Frodo, that tears and grief are natural responses to loss and change. Tears reflect the love and care we feel for others, or just our emotional state at the time. Gandalf recognized that mourning is part of healing and that crying can be a gift. It’s really an expression of the heart’s depth. His words gently reminded us that sadness has a place in our lives and that through our tears, we honor what we have lost and find a path toward acceptance and peace.
As a believer that vulnerability is one of the most underused and underdeveloped leadership attributes, we must recognize our own and others’ emotions. Crying can be a moment of vulnerability that resonates deeply with others. I have blogged about crying before in Tears Give The Courage To Suffer. Emotional transparency fosters trust and authenticity. In my new book, Mere Leadership, I said, “Vulnerability allows leaders to connect with others on a human level, fostering trust and open communication. By acknowledging their limitations and mistakes, leaders create an environment where followers feel safe to express their own vulnerabilities” (p. 72). This is all about understanding ourselves as well as others.
Gandalf was showing his strong emotional validation by recognizing, understanding, and accepting Sam, Merry, and Pippin’s emotional experience in that moment of saying goodbye to Frodo. We can validate emotions by acknowledging both the feeling someone has and the situation that triggered it.
Finding Our Story By Being Significant
I just finished rereading The Return of the King, the third book in The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J. R. R. Tolkien. So, you’re going to have to put up with a couple more posts inspired by this brilliant literary work. The themes of purpose, duty, and fulfillment are deeply intertwined with Tolkien’s characters’ journeys.
In this book Frodo told Sam, “And that will keep you as busy and as happy as anyone can be, as long as your part of the Story goes on” (p. 153). This was at the end when Frodo was preparing to leave the Shire. He was preparing Sam for finishing the work started. He also was reminding us that when someone goes into danger to protect others and make life better for everyone, they give up some of their own comforts. Frodo also told Sam, “It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them” (p. 154). Frodo and Sam’s quest to destroy the One Ring epitomizes the idea that finding a meaningful purpose provides profound fulfillment.
Despite overwhelming challenges, their shared mission gives them strength and resilience. Frodo’s burden is immense, but his sense of duty, which for him is to protect Middle-earth from Sauron’s dominion. This sense of purpose keeps him going. Similarly, Sam’s loyalty and unwavering support uphold his happiness; his role as Frodo’s steadfast companion gives his life significance.
Frodo to Sam highlighted for us the importance of purpose and being actively engaged in something meaningful. Frodo was telling Sam that finding our role and purpose, like others in The Lord of the Rings, is what makes our lives significant. Frodo wanted Sam to understand that as long as he continued to play his part in their shared Story, he would stay busy and happy, because he was contributing to something greater than himself. It’s about the idea that meaningful involvement and a sense of purpose can bring happiness, even amid challenges.
Frodo and Cincinnatus: Heroes of Humility and Service Beyond Glory
Yesterday when I wrote Leading Like Frodo: Frodo’s Quiet Withdrawal considering Frodo’s completion of the quest and fading from the public’s eye, I couldn’t help but think about Cincinnatus. Cincinnatus did not want to lead for power, but to serve. He always returned to the farm after saving Rome twice. At the conclusion of all his service Cincinnatus just wanted to go back to his farm, where he milked his own cows and branded his own calves. He exemplified civic virtue. Cincinnatus accepted authority only when necessary and relinquished it promptly afterward. His leadership exemplified selfless service to the republic, emphasizing that true heroism involves duty without seeking personal glory.
Frodo Baggins, from J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, was a humble hobbit tasked with the enormous responsibility of carrying the One Ring to Mount Doom to destroy it. Frodo was persistent, brave, resilient, and humble. He embodied the virtue of service, willingly bearing a burden for the greater good. Frodo’s journey highlighted themes of sacrifice, perseverance, and humility. Despite the fame and power associated with the Ring, he remained modest and committed to his mission for the sake of others.
Both Frodo and Cincinnatus are archetypes of humble service and sacrifice. Frodo’s journey reflected individual perseverance in the face of great evil, while Cincinnatus’s story underscores civic responsibility and humility in leadership. Neither sought power or recognition; instead, they accepted their burdens out of duty and prioritized the common good. Their stories remind us that genuine heroism often resides in quiet dedication, perseverance through hardship, and humility. Frodo and Cincinnatus had values essential for a just and resilient society.
Leading Like Frodo: Frodo’s Quiet Withdrawal
In my reading of J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Return of the King yesterday, I came across a passage that I have never seen analyzed or discussed by Tolkien scholars. After having been told by the narrator that Frodo had resigned the office of Deputy Mayor at the Free Fair that Midsummer and given up his other civic duties in Hobbiton and the Shire, we are told by the narrator that, “Frodo dropped quietly out of all the doings of the Shire, and Sam was pained to notice how little honour he had in his own country. Few people knew or wanted to know about his deeds and adventures; their admiration and respect were given mostly to Mr. Meriadoc and Mr. Peregrin and (if Sam had known it) to himself. Also in the autumn there appeared a shadow of old troubles” (p. 152). This has always been an interesting subject to me; how people leave position of great responsibility and public respect.
Frodo’s quiet withdrawal from public life and his ultimately leaving his homeland reflected how acts of heroism or significant deeds may go unnoticed or unappreciated by one’s own community. It is also clear that Frodo was not seeking glory. Sam’s feelings of pain about all this stem from the realization that true nobility and worth are not always acknowledged publicly, especially in one’s own country. Instead, admiration tends to be directed toward more visible or socially prominent figures like Meriadoc and Peregrin, and even himself indirectly.
The mention of the “shadow of old troubles” in the autumn suggested that despite their successes, lingering challenges and darker times still cast a pall over the Shire, reminding us that the scars of past struggles and ongoing difficulties remain even after moments of heroism. Overall, the passage emphasized the value of humility, the often quiet nature of true heroism, and the persistence of trouble even after major conflicts have ended.
From Frodo’s experience, we can learn that even those who carry great responsibility may need time and space to heal. Honor isn’t solely about fulfilling external duties but also about recognizing one’s limits and caring for oneself so that one can ultimately contribute meaningfully. This part of The Return of the King made me consider that true integrity involves compassion towards oneself and understanding that sometimes stepping back is necessary for long-term strength and moral clarity.
Keeping Our Oaths
Throughout The Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien emphasized the importance of honor, loyalty, and integrity when it comes to keeping one’s oaths. Through Gimli, we see a character that understands oaths, bonds, and promises. I like to call this walking the talk. I’ve written about this before in Walk The Talk! There is an incredible exchange between Gimli and Elrond that goes like this: “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,” said Gimli. “Maybe,” said Elrond, “but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.” “Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,” said Gimli. “Or break it,” said Elrond. “Look not too far ahead!” Gimli is vowing to walk the talk.
Gimli’s unwavering commitment to his promises, through his oaths to his companions, illustrates that true bravery involves steadfastness and trustworthiness. Tolkien used Gimli’s character to show that upholding our oaths and promises is essential for maintaining personal integrity and fostering genuine bonds of friendship, trust, and respect. Do we do what we say we are going to do? It doesn’t seem people take this as serious as in the past. We need to get back to honoring our commitments. Always!
For example, I am excited to be going to lunch with a mentor from early in my career next week. What if the day before I get another opportunity and I decide to call my former mentor and cancel? This would not only disappoint him, it would be breaking an oath and be disrespectful. I realize things come up, but we need to do what we say we are going to do. In order to be trusted, we must walk the talk. Breaking a promise, commitment, or oath is a very serious thing and contaminates our relationships; eating away at trust.
Ultimately, Tolkien, through The Lord of the Rings, brilliantly suggested that keeping one’s vows reflects moral strength and contributes to the larger good, reinforcing the idea that honor is a vital virtue in both individual character and collective unity.
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