Imagining The Complex Unique Individual
In a great discussion following Dr. Jim Beitler’s Hansen Lecture, “The Horns of Elfland: On Fairyland Justice” we talked about justice and how the novels from Tolkien and Lewis help us develop an understanding and appreciation of others, particularly through our imagination. We even discussed justice in leadership being about how we imagine the person in front of us. Do we imagine them as just a collection of data or a complex unique individual. This really caused me to reflect about how we imagine those we serve, those we are just meeting and making friends with for the first time, and anyone we come in contact with.
It was suggested to read Elaine Scarry’s “The Difficulty of Imagining Other People.” This essay offers valuable insights for leaders aiming to cultivate a more human-centered approach. Here are some key lessons that we can draw from Scarry’s work:
- Recognize the Challenge of Empathy: Scarry emphasized how difficult it is to truly imagine and understand the experiences of others. Leaders can learn to acknowledge this challenge and intentionally develop empathy by actively listening and seeking diverse perspectives, rather than assuming we fully understand others’ realities.
- Value of Fragility and Vulnerability: The essay highlights the delicate nature of human identity and perception. Leaders who appreciate this fragility are more likely to foster environments of trust, compassion, and psychological safety, encouraging team members to be authentic and vulnerable.
- Importance of Imagination in Leadership: Effective leadership involves imagining the lives and struggles of others beyond immediate interactions. By cultivating our capacity to imagine different realities, leaders can make more compassionate decisions that genuinely serve the needs of their teams and communities.
- Counteracting Objectification: Scarry discussed how difficulty in imagining others can lead to objectification or dehumanization. We need to be conscious of this tendency and work actively to see team members as whole persons with aspirations, fears, and complexities—not just roles or functions.
- Fostering Being More Human-Centered:
Understanding the hurdles in imagining others encourages leaders to create practices that validate diverse experiences, promoting belonging within organizations.
Studying Scarry’s work encourages us to deepen our capacity for empathy, vulnerability, and imaginative understanding—fundamental elements of being truly human-centered. This approach not only enhances ethical leadership but also builds stronger, more resilient, and engaged teams.
Our Internalized Sense of Awareness
In advance of my upcoming trip to the Philippines I have been doing some studying of the Filipino culture. This culture is fascinating and many concepts have caused me to consider my own actions and ways of doing things. You should take a look at my prior posts, Pag-unawa and Leading With Pakikisama and Kapwa, if you haven’t already. In this post I want to discuss “hiya.” Hiya is one of the most influential and deeply felt social values in Filipino culture. It guides Filipinos to act with respect.
Hiya refers to a sense of shame or propriety that influences how Filipinos communicate. It acts as a social lubricant, encouraging individuals to choose words carefully, avoid offensive language, and be considerate of others’ feelings. This emphasis on hiya helps preserve harmony and prevent conflict in social settings. Hiya often serves as a guiding principle, prompting people to act with respect, consideration, and self-control to uphold social harmony and personal integrity.
What I have taken away from learning about hiya is the idea of having a deeply internalized sense of awareness. Hiya gives us an emotional and social compass. It heightens our awareness of acting with modesty, dignity, and respect for others. Because hiya is a social virtue rooted in modesty, humility, and consideration, it can have both positive and negative aspects. I have considered those here:
Positive Aspects of Hiya:
- Promotes Respect and Consideration: Hiya encourages us to behave politely and thoughtfully towards others, fostering harmonious social interactions.
- Reduces Conflicts: By cultivating humility and shame when appropriate, it helps prevent arrogance and boastfulness, leading to fewer misunderstandings and conflicts.
- Supports Social Cohesion: Acting with hiya helps maintain community bonds, as people demonstrate respect for shared norms and values.
- Encourages Self-Reflection: Modesty and humbleness can motivate us to improve ourselves and avoid overstepping boundaries.
Negative Aspects of Hiya:
- May Lead to Excessive Self-Criticism: An overly strong sense of hiya might cause us to be excessively humble or ashamed, potentially impacting our confidence and self-esteem.
- Can Cause Social Anxiety: The fear of embarrassment or shame may result in anxiety, making social participation or expressing ourselves difficult.
- Impedes Assertiveness:
Excessive modesty might hinder us from advocating for ourselves or sharing their opinions openly. - Cultural Misunderstandings:
Different cultures interpret modesty and shame differently; what is considered respectful in one context might be perceived as lack of confidence or disengagement in another.
Hiya serves as a valuable social virtue promoting harmony and respect. It is important to remember that balance is crucial to ensuring that hiya fosters positive social dynamics without hindering personal growth or expression.
Leading With Enchantment
Many years ago I heard a teacher describe what they did as “magic.” You’ve probably heard “magic” used that way in other contexts. But I do not like the use of the word “magic” that way. I don’t even like it when people say, “Byron, work your magic with this.” Why? Let’s start by looking at the word “magic.” It means to manipulate or create the illusion of change. You can read more here. I don’t know about you, but I do not want to manipulate or create illusions in the work I do. Particularly in the education of our young people. A few weeks ago at the Marion E. Wade Center I had the opportunity to discuss this topic with, Kimberly Sasser, Ph.D. She looks at this from the perspective of there being a distinction of “enchantment” versus “magic.”
The context Dr. Sasser was discussing this distinction between “enchantment” and “magic” was that of us having an audience – either written or as a speaker/performer. The distinction between the two is “enchantment” is working with an audience and “magic” is working on an audience reflects different ways in engaging or influencing them.
When we say that enchantment works with an audience, it suggests a mutual, participatory relationship. Enchantment involves captivating the audience’s imagination, emotions, and sense of wonder through storytelling, genuine charisma, or shared experiences. It’s a collaborative process where the audience is engaged, inspired, and almost co-creates the content through their openness and connection.
On the other hand, magic works on an audience implies a more one-sided influence or impact. Magic, in this context, refers to illusions or feats that are performed upon the audience—captivating their senses, surprising them, or creating a sense of mystery. It’s about the performer influencing the audience’s perceptions directly, often leaving them in awe or wonder, but with a slightly more detached or observational dynamic.
Here’s my summary of all these thoughts:
- Enchantment is a reciprocal, engaging process—you work with the audience to create a shared experience.
- Magic is a performative act upon the audience—eliciting amazement through skillful illusions or feats.
We need to be shooting for enchantment, not doing a magic act.
Virtue in Action: How Justice and Mercy Shape a Thriving Society
G. K. Chesterton said, “Virtue is not the absence of vices or the avoidance of moral dangers; virtue is a vivid and separate thing, like pain or a particular smell. Mercy does not mean not being cruel or sparing people revenge or punishment; it means a plain and positive thing like the sun, which one has either seen or not see.” Chesterton’s quote emphasizes that virtue isn’t simply about avoiding bad behaviors or moral pitfalls. Instead, he was suggesting to us that virtue is a distinct, positive quality—something tangible and noticeable, much like pain or a specific smell. It’s not just the absence of vice, but an active presence that can be seen or experienced.
The idea that virtues like mercy are active and observable qualities ties closely to how justice functions as a foundational virtue in world-building. Just as mercy isn’t just about avoiding cruelty but actively demonstrating compassion and understanding, justice isn’t merely about avoiding wrongs; it’s about fostering fairness, equity, and integrity in society.
When Chesterton talked about mercy, he was illustrating that showing mercy isn’t just about refraining from cruelty or revenge. Instead, it’s a positive, deliberate act—something as obvious and perceptible as sunlight. You either recognize its presence by seeing it in action, or you don’t. Essentially, Chesterton was highlighting that virtues are active, observable qualities that define character, not merely the lack of negative traits. This all reminds me that actions really do speak louder than words!
When justice is seen as the key to world-building, it emphasizes creating structures and systems that actively promote righteousness, balance, and trust among individuals. It’s not enough to simply prevent injustice—we need proactive measures that encourage positive interactions and uphold moral principles. In this way, justice becomes an observable, guiding force that shapes a stable, thriving community—much like mercy’s visibility in acts of kindness. Both virtues serve as active principles that construct and sustain a healthy social fabric, demonstrating their importance through tangible actions rather than mere absences of bad behavior.
Leading With Pakikisama and Kapwa
Last week as part of my cultural study of the Philippines in preparation for my trip to Manila for the FLUXX Leadership Conference I blogged about Pag-unawa. Prior to arriving and delivering the opening keynote I am studying the Filipino culture. Pag-unawa translates to “understanding” or “comprehension,” which is leadership fostering effective and empathetic leadership. I am now learning about “Pakikisama” and “kapwa.” These are fundamental Filipino values that significantly enhance relationship building, especially in leadership and community settings.
Pakikisama means smooth interpersonal relationships and emphasizes harmony, camaraderie, and avoiding conflict among individuals. It encourages leaders to foster a friendly and cooperative environment where everyone feels comfortable and valued. When leaders practice Pakikisama they:
- Promote open communication and active listening, making team members feel heard.
- Resolve conflicts amicably, maintaining group cohesion.
- Show genuine concern for the well-being of others, strengthening trust and loyalty.
- Encourage collaboration rather than competition, leading to a more unified team.
Kapwa means shared identity and mutual respect. Kapwa is the core concept of interconnectedness and shared identity, recognizing others as equal and part of the same “self.” Embracing kapwa helps leaders:
- Develop empathy by seeing others as similar to oneself.
- Build authentic relationships rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
- Foster inclusivity by valuing diverse perspectives as part of the collective identity.
- Encourage communal responsibility, motivating everyone to work towards common goals.
Together, the attributes of pakikisama and kapwa create a social environment where respect, empathy, and harmony are prioritized. Leaders who embody these values can:
- Create a sense of belonging and trust within the group.
- Motivate individuals through genuine connection rather than authority alone.
- Facilitate consensus-building, making decisions more inclusive.
- Cultivate an atmosphere where people feel safe to express themselves and contribute ideas.
It has been great to learn Filipino culture. I have learned that integrating pakikisama and kapwa into leadership nurtures relationships founded on mutual understanding, respect, and shared purpose—fostering effective, compassionate, and sustainable connections within any community or organization.
Being Cool
One thing I believe people, both young and old, struggle with is being themselves. An elementary student gave this advice: “Be your own kind of cool!” I loved this because I always say we are all cool in some way and we need to recognize that coolness in ourselves. We also need to find and appreciate that coolness in others.
Being our own kind of cool encourages us to be authentic and true to ourselves, rather than trying to conform to someone else’s idea of what is trendy or fashionable. It’s about embracing our own unique personality, interests, and style, and feeling confident in who we are. True coolness comes from authenticity and self-acceptance. And as I said, we are all cool in our own way.
Rebuilding with Resilience: Nurturing the Spirit of Hope and Renewal
You ever had your spirit broken by someone, something that happened, or something someone said? Pretty sure we would all answer a resounding “Yes!” to that. I know I have. There might even be things we’ve not got that spirit back from. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I was reminded of something a mentor early in my career told me: “Your spirit can be easily broken, but it can also be repaired.” Noticed, she didn’t say “easily” repaired. Because it is not easy. She was reminding me, however, that resilience and hope are powerful and our spirit can be repaired.
While life’s challenges and setbacks may deeply affect us, they do not have to define us forever. Our spirits have an incredible capacity for healing and growth. We are reminded to stay hopeful, to nurture our inner strength, and to believe in the possibility of recovery and renewal, even after difficult times. No matter how tough things get, there is always potential for rebuilding and becoming stronger than before.
Belonging Versus Fitting In
On Monday of this week I had the opportunity to work with a group of very astute fourth graders. We were discussing what it was like to be a leader as a fourth grader. One of the students said, “There’s a difference between fitting in and belonging. When you’re belonging, you’re feeling like yourself and when you’re fitting in, you might not really be yourself.” I loved this because it is so true. The main difference between belonging and fitting in lies in authenticity and acceptance.
Belonging is about feeling accepted for who we truly are. It means we’re valued and included because of our authentic self—our personality, values, and unique qualities. When we experience belonging, we feel comfortable being ourselves and can develop genuine relationships. I was excited that the students realized this is the kind of environment we must strive to create. We all have a need to belong and we all have an obligation to lead by creating an ethos of belonging.
Fitting in, on the other hand, often involves changing or adjusting ourselves to meet others’ expectations. It’s about conforming to certain norms or standards to be accepted, which might mean hiding parts of yourself or sacrificing your individuality. I always wonder, who created all these social norms we think we need to conform to.
I am proud of these fourth graders for reminding us that creating environments that foster belonging helps us grow, build trust, and form meaningful connections. Conversely, emphasizing fitting in can lead to pressure to conform, which may prevent others from expressing their true selves.
Leading As A Mentor
Last week I had a person who had sat in on some of my past leadership workshops, not as a participant but a passerby and got caught up in what we were doing, tell me he was now using what he learned from me on a daily basis as a leader. I was both honored and intrigued by this. So, I had to ask what he had learned. He told me he was inspired on my insistence that every leader needed to hold those they serve accountable while also inspiring both personal and professional growth. He said, “You taught me that every leader should serve as a mentor and role model to those they serve.” I do believe and teach that every leader should strive to be the best mentor possible.
Leaders should be mentors because they have the experience, knowledge, and perspective to guide others through their professional and personal growth. By serving as mentors, leaders can help develop the skills and confidence of their team members, fostering an environment of continuous learning. Organizations thrive when leaders develop other leaders, not just followers.
Mentorship also builds trust and strong relationships, which can improve collaboration and morale. Ultimately, when leaders invest in their team’s development, it creates a more engaged, capable, and motivated workforce that benefits the entire organization. Team members who feel guided, not just managed, are more loyal and engaged. Mentorship makes leadership complete and more human centered.
Mentorship is the key for leaders to develop other leaders!
Being Kind
This past week I had the opportunity to be in Langford, South Dakota for National FFA Week. The Langford Area School District FFA Officers had the great idea to provide leadership workshop sessions designed for every grade level in the school. Their amazing agriculture teacher/FFA advisor and National FFA Teacher Ambassador, AnnaMarie Sachs, made the students’ idea a reality. I’m also very proud that the students requested that I be the provider of all these sessions. I’d had the opportunity to work with some of the Langford FFA members at National FFA Convention, so they had experienced my work.
I shared on social media last week that I am always inspired by the leadership dispositions that young people always seem to have for leadership. The Langford students really inspired me. Remember the show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Let me tell you, I met some pretty smart fifth graders last week that I wish I could have some adults I know learn from. One fifth grader really impressed me with her Play-Doh creation that was to represent her as a leader. She made the word “Kind,” using a heart to dot the “i” (see photos). Very cool!
I asked her to talk about her creation. She said that she believed she was a leader because she tried to be kind to everyone. She also stated that she believed that if everyone would just practice being kind the world would be a better place. Pretty smart fifth grader, don’t you think? Are you as smart as this fifth grader?
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama
As an advocate of loving those we serve as a leadership attribute, this fifth grader made me reflect on what being kind really means. Being kind means genuinely understanding the impact our words and actions have on others. Another word that gets used a lot when defining being kind is “helpful.” I love this because providing help covers so many things. Being kind or helpful is about going that extra mile for others.
Now, taking this discussion a little deeper, I want to describe being kind as a vital leadership attribute because it fosters trust, loyalty, and a positive environment where team members feel valued and respected. Kind leaders are able to build strong relationships, which encourages open communication and collaboration. When leaders show genuine kindness, they inspire others to follow suit, creating a culture of empathy and mutual support. This not only enhances morale but also motivates individuals to perform their best, knowing they are appreciated and understood. Ultimately, kindness in leadership helps cultivate a cohesive and resilient team capable of overcoming challenges together.
Byron's Babbles 
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