Leading With Pakikisama and Kapwa
Last week as part of my cultural study of the Philippines in preparation for my trip to Manila for the FLUXX Leadership Conference I blogged about Pag-unawa. Prior to arriving and delivering the opening keynote I am studying the Filipino culture. Pag-unawa translates to “understanding” or “comprehension,” which is leadership fostering effective and empathetic leadership. I am now learning about “Pakikisama” and “kapwa.” These are fundamental Filipino values that significantly enhance relationship building, especially in leadership and community settings.
Pakikisama means smooth interpersonal relationships and emphasizes harmony, camaraderie, and avoiding conflict among individuals. It encourages leaders to foster a friendly and cooperative environment where everyone feels comfortable and valued. When leaders practice Pakikisama they:
- Promote open communication and active listening, making team members feel heard.
- Resolve conflicts amicably, maintaining group cohesion.
- Show genuine concern for the well-being of others, strengthening trust and loyalty.
- Encourage collaboration rather than competition, leading to a more unified team.
Kapwa means shared identity and mutual respect. Kapwa is the core concept of interconnectedness and shared identity, recognizing others as equal and part of the same “self.” Embracing kapwa helps leaders:
- Develop empathy by seeing others as similar to oneself.
- Build authentic relationships rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
- Foster inclusivity by valuing diverse perspectives as part of the collective identity.
- Encourage communal responsibility, motivating everyone to work towards common goals.
Together, the attributes of pakikisama and kapwa create a social environment where respect, empathy, and harmony are prioritized. Leaders who embody these values can:
- Create a sense of belonging and trust within the group.
- Motivate individuals through genuine connection rather than authority alone.
- Facilitate consensus-building, making decisions more inclusive.
- Cultivate an atmosphere where people feel safe to express themselves and contribute ideas.
It has been great to learn Filipino culture. I have learned that integrating pakikisama and kapwa into leadership nurtures relationships founded on mutual understanding, respect, and shared purpose—fostering effective, compassionate, and sustainable connections within any community or organization.
Being Cool
One thing I believe people, both young and old, struggle with is being themselves. An elementary student gave this advice: “Be your own kind of cool!” I loved this because I always say we are all cool in some way and we need to recognize that coolness in ourselves. We also need to find and appreciate that coolness in others.
Being our own kind of cool encourages us to be authentic and true to ourselves, rather than trying to conform to someone else’s idea of what is trendy or fashionable. It’s about embracing our own unique personality, interests, and style, and feeling confident in who we are. True coolness comes from authenticity and self-acceptance. And as I said, we are all cool in our own way.
Rebuilding with Resilience: Nurturing the Spirit of Hope and Renewal
You ever had your spirit broken by someone, something that happened, or something someone said? Pretty sure we would all answer a resounding “Yes!” to that. I know I have. There might even be things we’ve not got that spirit back from. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I was reminded of something a mentor early in my career told me: “Your spirit can be easily broken, but it can also be repaired.” Noticed, she didn’t say “easily” repaired. Because it is not easy. She was reminding me, however, that resilience and hope are powerful and our spirit can be repaired.
While life’s challenges and setbacks may deeply affect us, they do not have to define us forever. Our spirits have an incredible capacity for healing and growth. We are reminded to stay hopeful, to nurture our inner strength, and to believe in the possibility of recovery and renewal, even after difficult times. No matter how tough things get, there is always potential for rebuilding and becoming stronger than before.
Belonging Versus Fitting In
On Monday of this week I had the opportunity to work with a group of very astute fourth graders. We were discussing what it was like to be a leader as a fourth grader. One of the students said, “There’s a difference between fitting in and belonging. When you’re belonging, you’re feeling like yourself and when you’re fitting in, you might not really be yourself.” I loved this because it is so true. The main difference between belonging and fitting in lies in authenticity and acceptance.
Belonging is about feeling accepted for who we truly are. It means we’re valued and included because of our authentic self—our personality, values, and unique qualities. When we experience belonging, we feel comfortable being ourselves and can develop genuine relationships. I was excited that the students realized this is the kind of environment we must strive to create. We all have a need to belong and we all have an obligation to lead by creating an ethos of belonging.
Fitting in, on the other hand, often involves changing or adjusting ourselves to meet others’ expectations. It’s about conforming to certain norms or standards to be accepted, which might mean hiding parts of yourself or sacrificing your individuality. I always wonder, who created all these social norms we think we need to conform to.
I am proud of these fourth graders for reminding us that creating environments that foster belonging helps us grow, build trust, and form meaningful connections. Conversely, emphasizing fitting in can lead to pressure to conform, which may prevent others from expressing their true selves.
Leading As A Mentor
Last week I had a person who had sat in on some of my past leadership workshops, not as a participant but a passerby and got caught up in what we were doing, tell me he was now using what he learned from me on a daily basis as a leader. I was both honored and intrigued by this. So, I had to ask what he had learned. He told me he was inspired on my insistence that every leader needed to hold those they serve accountable while also inspiring both personal and professional growth. He said, “You taught me that every leader should serve as a mentor and role model to those they serve.” I do believe and teach that every leader should strive to be the best mentor possible.
Leaders should be mentors because they have the experience, knowledge, and perspective to guide others through their professional and personal growth. By serving as mentors, leaders can help develop the skills and confidence of their team members, fostering an environment of continuous learning. Organizations thrive when leaders develop other leaders, not just followers.
Mentorship also builds trust and strong relationships, which can improve collaboration and morale. Ultimately, when leaders invest in their team’s development, it creates a more engaged, capable, and motivated workforce that benefits the entire organization. Team members who feel guided, not just managed, are more loyal and engaged. Mentorship makes leadership complete and more human centered.
Mentorship is the key for leaders to develop other leaders!
Being Kind
This past week I had the opportunity to be in Langford, South Dakota for National FFA Week. The Langford Area School District FFA Officers had the great idea to provide leadership workshop sessions designed for every grade level in the school. Their amazing agriculture teacher/FFA advisor and National FFA Teacher Ambassador, AnnaMarie Sachs, made the students’ idea a reality. I’m also very proud that the students requested that I be the provider of all these sessions. I’d had the opportunity to work with some of the Langford FFA members at National FFA Convention, so they had experienced my work.
I shared on social media last week that I am always inspired by the leadership dispositions that young people always seem to have for leadership. The Langford students really inspired me. Remember the show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Let me tell you, I met some pretty smart fifth graders last week that I wish I could have some adults I know learn from. One fifth grader really impressed me with her Play-Doh creation that was to represent her as a leader. She made the word “Kind,” using a heart to dot the “i” (see photos). Very cool!
I asked her to talk about her creation. She said that she believed she was a leader because she tried to be kind to everyone. She also stated that she believed that if everyone would just practice being kind the world would be a better place. Pretty smart fifth grader, don’t you think? Are you as smart as this fifth grader?
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama
As an advocate of loving those we serve as a leadership attribute, this fifth grader made me reflect on what being kind really means. Being kind means genuinely understanding the impact our words and actions have on others. Another word that gets used a lot when defining being kind is “helpful.” I love this because providing help covers so many things. Being kind or helpful is about going that extra mile for others.
Now, taking this discussion a little deeper, I want to describe being kind as a vital leadership attribute because it fosters trust, loyalty, and a positive environment where team members feel valued and respected. Kind leaders are able to build strong relationships, which encourages open communication and collaboration. When leaders show genuine kindness, they inspire others to follow suit, creating a culture of empathy and mutual support. This not only enhances morale but also motivates individuals to perform their best, knowing they are appreciated and understood. Ultimately, kindness in leadership helps cultivate a cohesive and resilient team capable of overcoming challenges together.
Pag-unawa
At the end of March and the first week of April I am going to be in Manila Philippines for the FLUXX 2026 Asia Conference. It will be my first time in the Philippines and I will be delivering the opening keynote. To prepare, as I do for all my work globally, I am studying the Filipino culture. What I am learning is how the culture of the Philippines lends itself to some amazing leadership attributes. For example, the Filipino word “Pag-unawa” translates to “understanding” or “comprehension.” As a leadership attribute, it plays a vital role in fostering effective and empathetic leadership within the Philippine cultural context. Here’s how “Pag-unawa” can be a powerful tool:
- Empathy and Compassion:
Leaders who practice “Pag-unawa” genuinely care about the concerns, feelings, and circumstances of their team members. This empathy builds trust and loyalty, which are highly valued in Filipino culture. - Respect for Hierarchy and Relationships:
In the Philippines, relationships and respect for elders or authority figures are important. “Pag-unawa” encourages leaders to understand the cultural nuances and social dynamics, allowing them to navigate hierarchies respectfully. - Promoting Collaboration:
When leaders demonstrate understanding, they foster a collaborative environment where everyone feels heard and valued. This aligns with the Filipino value of “pakikisama” (smooth interpersonal relationships) and “kapwa” (shared identity). - Conflict Resolution:
An understanding leader can address conflicts diplomatically by appreciating different perspectives and finding harmonious solutions, which is essential in maintaining peace, unity, and an environment of trust. - Cultural Sensitivity:
“Pag-unawa” encourages leaders to appreciate cultural traditions, practices, and values, enabling them to connect more deeply with their community or team. - Developing Unity and Loyalty:
Leaders who show genuine understanding can inspire loyalty and collective effort, reinforcing “bayanihan,” or communal spirit, prevalent in Filipino society.
“Pag-unawa” promotes a compassionate, respectful, and culturally sensitive approach that resonates well within the Philippines’ social fabric. I’m glad I’ve learned this Filipino way of creating an inclusive environment where people feel understood, valued, and motivated to contribute their best.
Understanding The Characters Behind The Stories
One of the things I love about fiction novels and stories is that we typically get the full story on the characters and the context that the story is being told. This is why I believe there is so much to be learned from them. These novels and stories always prompt me to deeply consider different aspects that are revealed. For example, in the Father Brown Story, “The Vampire of the Village,” G. K. Chesterton wrote, “Father Brown had heard the story. But he knew that he never knew a story until he knew the characters in the story.” This made me consider how important it is to get a true understanding of everyone around us.
Chesterton was emphasizing the importance of understanding the characters behind the stories, rather than just the surface events. Through Father Brown’s perspective, he taught us that true insight comes from perceiving the motives, emotions, and inner lives of the individuals involved. This lesson reminds us to look beyond superficial details and seek a deeper understanding of people and situations to truly grasp the truth.
Seeing Beyond the Surface: Father Brown’s Wisdom on Insight and Perception
People often try to fix something without fully understanding what the real problem is. We may notice symptoms or surface-level details and jump straight to solutions, but unless we identify and understand the core problem—what’s truly causing the difficulty—our efforts might be misguided or ineffective. In G. K. Chesterton’s Father Brown Story “The Point of a Pin,” Father Brown said, “It isn’t that they can’t see the solution. It is that they can’t see the problem.” This highlighted a common mistake in reasoning: focusing on solving the wrong issue.
Father Brown’s insight emphasized the importance of careful analysis and perception, encouraging us to look beyond initial appearances and identify the true nature of a situation before rushing to solve it. In the context of G. K. Chesterton’s stories, it reflected his appreciation for insight, empathy, and the value of perceiving beneath the surface to find truth.
We All Matter
G. K. Chesterton wrote in the Father Brown Story “The Quick One”, “You see, it’s so easy to be misunderstood. All men matter. You matter. I matter. It’s the hardest thing in theology to believe.” Those words made me think about my own value in being human centered and belief that every human matters and has potential. From Chesterton’s words we can learn that misunderstandings are a common part of human experience, and that recognizing everyone’s inherent dignity is crucial.
The quote emphasizes that every individual matters—yourself, others, and even those we might not fully understand—highlighting the importance of empathy and humility. It reminds us that believing in the worth of all people, despite misinterpretations or differences, is a profound challenge but also a vital aspect of moral and spiritual growth. Ultimately, it encourages us to see beyond surface misunderstandings and appreciate the intrinsic value in every person, fostering compassion and deeper connection.
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