The Emotional Toll of Losing One’s Individuality
I love Linkin Park’s music. They have a very unique sound and lyrics that are very deep and real. I have heard their song, “Lying From You” hundreds of times but this week while spending some wonderful time in the tractor seat heard the phrase, “I remember what they taught to me; Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be; Remember listening to all of that and this again; So I pretended up a person who was fitting in” loud and clear. We’ve probably all experienced some of this. I hate the idea of someone needing to pretend up a person to fit in. I wrote about this recently in Belonging Versus Fitting In.
Linkin Park’s lyrics reflect themes of identity, self-awareness, and the struggle to stay true to ourselves amidst external pressures. The phrase “I remember what they taught to me” recalls lessons or beliefs imposed by others, possibly authority figures or society. Think about all the stupid things we do or think we need to do just to fit in.
When considering the line “Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be” it makes me reflect on those who have told me how to act or conform, often in a dismissive or patronizing manner. We need to reflect on whether we are doing this to others because as the song goes on to say, “Remember listening to all of that and this again.” This reminds us how these messages keep echoing, influencing our thoughts and feelings.
Finally in the stanza I have quoted, Linkin Park wrote, “So I pretended up a person who was fitting in.” This is really powerful because they are admitting to putting on a façade and pretending to be someone they’re not in order to fit in or satisfy external expectations. I really worry about this internal conflict between personal authenticity and the pressure to conform, leading to the masking of one’s true self. It highlights the emotional toll of losing one’s individuality to societal or external control.
Thrown To The Wolves
Ever felt like you were thrown to the wolves? I know I have. This is such a powerful metaphor for what weak leaders many times do when they do not want to accept responsibility. These same leaders abandon those they serve for self-protection. This metaphor is used in the great song, “Throne” by Bring Me The Horizon. I love the chorus of the song that says, “So you can throw me to the wolves; Tomorrow I will come back, leader of the whole pack; Beat me black and blue; Every wound will shape me, every scar will build my throne.”
The same metaphor is also used when there is a lack of support for someone starting a new position. This would include a lack of proper onboarding or being provided with the growth opportunities for obtaining the technical knowledge needed to be successful.
Now back to the chorus. I love the last line: “Every wound will shape me, every scar will build my throne.” The lyric suggests that our past struggles, pains, and emotional scars are integral parts of our strength and identity. Instead of seeing wounds and scars as weaknesses or failures, they are seen as foundations that contribute to our growth and authority. The metaphor of building a throne implies that these experiences can elevate us, helping us to rise above adversity and claim our own power. The song and metaphor reminds us it’s about transforming pain into empowerment and embracing our journey, no matter how difficult it may have been.
Cultivating Trust That Lasts
In George MacDonald’s April 21st entry in Diary of an Old Soul, he stated, “To trust is gain and growth, not mere sown seed.” I love MacDonald’s thoughts on trust and seemed to be emphasizing that genuine trust isn’t just something we plant like a seed and wait for it to grow passively. Instead, trust is an active process that leads to our personal growth and development.
MacDonald was suggesting that trusting God, or others, involves a dynamic engagement. I have written about this before in Trust Is A Verb and Trust Is Not A Place. Trust is an ongoing act of faith that results in growth, wisdom, and inner strength. So, trust isn’t just a simple starting point; it’s a continual journey that fosters our inner evolution and brings tangible benefits in our character, understanding, and relationships.
Genuine trust is rooted in honesty. Leaders who are transparent and authentic cultivate trust that sustains relationships and fosters a positive culture. Macdonald reminded us that trust was not just “mere sown seed” but a dynamic process that requires continuous cultivation. Just as trust involves ongoing faith, effective leadership requires continual trust-building. Leaders shouldn’t see trust as a one-time achievement but as a sustained journey that deepens over time.
Building Bridges: How Collaboration and Relationship-Building Drive Leadership Success
One of my all time favorite and most respected rock stars is Amy Lee, lead singer and co-founder of the rock band Evanescence. But what really draws me to Amy is all of the collaborations she does. Click here to see/listen to one of my favorite collaborations of Amy and Lzzy Hale. As a person who leads by collaborating, I love the example both Amy and Lzzy provide for us in this space. Collaborations bring about creative innovation by fostering fresh ideas and new sounds, helping artists stay innovative and relevant in a fast-changing music landscape. Just like artists leverage partnerships for mutual growth, effective leaders foster collaboration within their teams to spark innovation and tackle complex challenges.
Successful collaborations require openness to new ideas and adaptability. These traits are vital for artistic leaders (yes, I count myself as an artistic leader) in dynamic environments. It’s also about shared resources because collaborators can pool their talents, networks, and production resources for higher-quality and more diverse projects. In the rock genre, particularly, this leads to audience expansion. I would also argue in all sectors partnering with other artists or organization exposes each of us to the other’s fan base, broadening our reach and increasing popularity.
Collaboration also allows us to share resources. We can pool our talents, networks, and production resources for higher-quality and more diverse projects. Amy Lee has modeled adaptability and openness for us. Successful collaborations require openness to new ideas and adaptability. Those two traits vital for both artistic collaborations and leadership in dynamic environments.
These collaborations exemplify how combining strengths, being open to new influences, and fostering connections can lead to greater impact. These are valuable lessons for leadership in any context.
Authentic Play and Genuine Growth: Navigating the Power of Pretending in Learning and Life
This is one of those posts that has been on the list to do and then in draft stage for a while. It is inspired by a a great deal of discussion by C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity about “pretending.” Those that know me well know that I loath the phrase “fake it till you make it.” First, it’s just not possible and second I encountered a leader in my career that used to tell their teachers that all the time. Let me assure you, that advice did not work. Everyone knows if you are faking it, particularly our students. In Mere Leadership, Lewis used the idea of pretending in negative and positive ways. Here is the passage that really got me thinking deeply about this:
“Why? What is the good of pretending to be what you are not? Well, even on the human level, you know, there are two kinds of pretending. There is a bad kind, where the pretence is there instead of the real thing; as when a man pretends he is going to help you instead of really helping you. But there is also a good kind, where the pretence leads up to the real thing. When you are not feeling particularly friendly but know you ought to be, the best thing you can do, very often, is to put on a friendly manner and behave as if you were a nicer person than you actually are. And in a few minutes, as we have all noticed, you will be really feeling friendlier than you were. Very often the only way to get a quality in reality is to start behaving as if you had it already. That is why children’s games are so important. They are always pretending to be grown-ups—playing soldiers, playing shop. But all the time, they are hardening their muscles and sharpening their wits so that the pretence of being grown-up helps them to grow up in earnest.” C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity (p. 188)
Lewis said it best when he said in the above quote, “There is a bad kind [pretending], where the pretence is there instead of the real thing;” this is what happens when we try to fake it. Now when a child pretends, they are learning to be an adult. Children often engage in “pretend play,” which is a natural and vital part of their development. Through pretending, they explore different roles, practice social interactions, develop creativity, and understand the world around them. This kind of pretending isn’t about deception or superficiality; it’s a genuine form of learning and growth. It’s authentic within their developmental context and helps foster empathy, imagination, and problem-solving skills.
This can also be a good thing for us as adults if we are imagining what we want to become. When I practice a speech, I pretend there is an audience. I do not go give the keynote without practicing and try to fake that I am prepared. I promise you, the audience will know. Lewis warned us about deceiving ourselves into thinking we are something we are not.
Legends Rise: Embracing Courage and Action in the Face of Adversity
I love Godsmack’s song, “When Legends Rise.” With this song having come out back in 2018, I cannot believe I have not blogged about it before now. The chorus in the song says, “It’s burning down, it’s burning high; When ashes fall, the legends rise; We burn it out a mile wide; When ashes fall, the legends rise.” This song could truly be an anthem for all of us. It symbolizes resilience and rebirth and suggests that even after destruction or difficult times (“ashes fall”) we can rise back up (“the legends rise”). The song conveys that from the ruins or after hardships, greatness and legendary status can be forged, highlighting themes of overcoming adversity and rising anew.
About the song, Sully Erna of Godsmack said, “I went through a real transition where I eliminated a lot of people and negative things from my life that were there for the wrong reasons, and it just kind of opened up a can of worms for me to flush out everything that was a bit negative and rebuild.” He went on to say, “And ‘Legends’ is about that – it’s just about kind of burning it down to the ground and rebuilding it one step at a time and reaching inside yourself to find the inner strength to rise above.” That is being a true legend: someone who is extraordinary, enduring, and inspiring. That person who emerges and stands tall.
As the song says: “Legends rise; You’re gonna do something about it or just stand and bleed? Legends rise.” This verse This verse emphasizes the idea of resilience and taking action in the face of challenges. When circumstances become tough as characterized as “stand and bleed”, we have a choice: either to endure and make something meaningful out of our situation or as the song says, “do something about it” or to passively suffer without making a change. The repeated phrase “Legends rise” serves as a powerful rallying call, inspiring listeners to choose courage, take initiative, and transform adversity into greatness. Click here and watch Godsmack perform the song live and tell me it doesn’t lift you up and encourage proactive effort and embody the spirit of rising above difficulties to achieve legendary status.
Scattering Our Interfering Thoughts
In 1880 George MacDonald self-published an incredible book of daily reflective poems, Diary of an Old Soul. I am reading this book one daily entry at a time this year. In his April 10th entry in the book he said, “Might I but scatter interfering things—Questions and doubts, distrusts and anxious pride.” MacDonald was referring to removing “mental clutter” before that was actually the thing we now have a term for. He was offering a profound reflection on the barriers that can hinder our personal growth and spiritual development.
From this quote, we can learn that:
- Self-Reflection is Key: The “interfering things” such as doubts, questions, distrusts, and anxious pride often cloud our understanding and hinder our progress. Recognizing these internal obstacles is the first step toward overcoming them.
- Letting Go of Overanalyzing and Worry: MacDonald seemed to be suggesting that excessive questioning or doubting can become barriers rather than pathways to truth. Sometimes, by calming these mental and emotional disturbances, we create space for clarity and peace.
- Humility and Trust: “Anxious pride” indicates a kind of overconfidence or stubbornness that can prevent us from learning or accepting new truths. Cultivating humility opens us up to growth and understanding.
- Inner Peace Enhances Growth: Scattering these interfering thoughts signifies clearing the mind and heart of unnecessary hindrances that keep us from discovering deeper truths or connecting with something greater.
Now, here is the entire April 10 entry in the Diary of an Old Soul: “Might I but scatter interfering things—Questions and doubts, distrusts and anxious pride, And in thy garment, as under gathering wings, Nestle obedient to thy living side, Easy it were to love thee. But when thou Send’st me to think and labor from thee wide, Love falls to asking many a why and how.”In its entirety, I believe the poem encourages us, through MacDonald’s own encouragement to himself, to free ourselves from the mental clutter of doubts, pride, and distrust, enabling us to grow spiritually and personally. He underscored the importance of inner calm and humility in the journey toward wisdom and self-discovery.
Fostering Meaningful Connections Through Curiosity: Enhancing Conversations and Understanding
I was reminded today by a couple of different people of how I am constantly curious and my desire to build opportunities in for creativeness and curiosity when working with humans of all ages. Then, as I was studying and doing research for a project I am working on I came across this from Smart Leaders Smarter Teams: How You and Your Team Get Unstuck to Get Results by Roger Schwarz, “As you approach the conversation, be open to changing your mind” (p. 184). I try to live by this in every conversation. It goes hand in hand with a statement I love to make and really want to know the answer to: “Please tell me why I am wrong.” Staying open to changing our minds during a conversation is important because it demonstrates humility, respect, and willingness to learn.
This open mindedness allows us to consider new perspectives, expand our understanding, and find common ground. This openness fosters more meaningful and productive dialogues, reduces misunderstandings, and helps build trust and cooperation. Being receptive to change shows emotional maturity and can lead to personal growth, making interactions more positive and constructive for everyone involved.
Staying curious when approaching conversations is closely related to openness to learning. When we are curious, we are naturally inclined to listen more deeply, ask thoughtful questions, and explore different viewpoints. This curiosity fosters a genuine interest in understanding others, which can lead to more meaningful and enriching exchanges. It also helps us stay receptive to new information and perspectives, making conversations more engaging and productive. Embracing curiosity not only enhances our learning but also builds stronger connections with others by demonstrating our sincere interest and openness.
Leading With Global Significance
Last week I had the incredible honor of spending time with incredible leaders from all over the world at the 2026 FLUXX Asia Leadership Conference in Manila, Philippines. During my opening keynote I stressed how important it is for us to be significant in the lives we serve. As I listened to the stories of fellow Global Pioneer Leadership awardees, and the Regional and 40 Under 40 awardees I was reminded that true leadership involves more than just personal excellence and recognition; it’s about uplifting others and leading by example in every circumstance. By embodying these qualities, leaders can influence their teams positively and create a culture of perseverance and support. Keep moving forward with this mindset—your efforts are already making a meaningful difference.
I was so inspired by the amazing stories of how all these global leaders have stayed committed during difficult times is a powerful way to create a lasting impact both professionally and personally. When leaders demonstrate unwavering dedication and empathy, they motivate others to push through obstacles, fostering a sense of unity and shared purpose. This approach not only strengthens team cohesion but also helps individuals develop their own resilience; thus improving our global community.
Remember, true leaders not only strive for excellence themselves but also lift others up, especially in challenging moments. These traits enable a leader to navigate challenges effectively while maintaining a supportive and positive environment for their team. Leadership is fundamentally rooted in qualities like resilience, compassion, and steady guidance. These traits enable a leader to navigate challenges effectively while maintaining a supportive and positive environment for their team.
Being Significant Serving The Story And Audience
As I finished writing Finding Our Real Self, and continued to reflect on having been on the world stage this past week, I thought of Shakespeare’s immortal words from As You Like It, “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages.” This suggested that life is like a theatrical play where everyone has roles to perform, and we’re constantly acting out different parts in various circumstances. Also, coming off a week of making a bunch of new and incredible friends from around the world, it reminds us that we all have our exits and entries in others’ lives. This drives home the importance of one of the points in my opening keynote this week that it is more important that we are significant than successful. Significance is the role we have played in lifting others and making their lives better.
Connecting this to the idea of selfless leadership, we can think of leaders as actors on this grand stage who prioritize others over personal fame or ego. When we focus on the well-being of our communities, teams and organization’s goals, they perform their roles authentically and with genuine intention, much like skilled actors embodying their characters fully. This authenticity fosters trust and inspires others to bring their best selves to their roles, creating a more harmonious and meaningful ‘production’—or organizational culture.
In essence, just as actors in a play serve the story and audience, selfless leaders serve their teams and shared goals, understanding that their performance contributes to the larger story of the organization and community.
Byron's Babbles 
leave a comment