The Allure Of Superficial Rewards

In his 1951 letter to Milton Waldman, included as part of The Silmarillion, J. R. R. Tolkien said, “Reward on earth is more dangerous for men than punishment!” This comment really stood out to me. It also stood out that he made this a part of his sub-creation of Middle-earth. This reflected his perspective on the allure of worldly success and material rewards. In his letter to Waldman, Tolkien was suggesting that the desire for earthly rewards, such as fame, riches, or status, can be more perilous because it can lead us away from true values, morals, and spiritual fulfillment.

While punishment might serve as a deterrent or correction, the pursuit of superficial rewards can deceive and corrupt an our character, fostering greed, pride, and complacency. Tolkien warned, as we can see in some of the characters of The Lord of the Rings, that the temptations of worldly gain can be more insidious and damaging than punishment because they can subtly lead people astray from a meaningful and morally upright life.

Lead By Guiding Not Bossing

Yesterday I did one of the things I love most: worked with students. Specifically I was working with elementary students. What I’ve learned over the years is, they can be very insightful on leadership. A fourth grader, while having a discussion about helping others, said, “I have learned it is better to guide others than to boss them.” In fact she wrote that on her name tent (see featured photo). This was quite the drop-the-mic moment. This young scholar gets a leadership attribute that some adults have trouble with. She went on to say that, “Others don’t like it when I’m bossy; they want me to help them.” More great insight!

I love the insights of young people. Her experience reminded us it is more effective and respectful to lead or mentor people by offering support, advice, encouragement, and help rather than simply giving orders or controlling them. Guiding involves inspiring and helping others grow, fostering cooperation and trust, whereas bossing may create resistance or resentment. I like to think of this as coming alongside others, shoulder-to-shoulder, and helping. Essentially, it emphasizes the value of leadership through understanding and collaboration rather than authority and commands.

Wowful Leadership: Merely Living Service, Character, and Presence Every Day

I am excited to share this video with you! It’s only seven minutes long, which research tells us is the ideal length of a keynote for listeners to learn the most from the content. I did this keynote at the Science Center on Harvard University’s campus as part of the London Organization of Skills Development 2026 Skills Live event. This video also serves as a pretty good trailer for my new book, Mere Leadership. You can get the book on Kindle, Audible, paperback, or hardcopy by clicking here. Click here to watch the video.

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Don’t Be A Stranger To Yourself

I love the show Monk. Monk is a comedic mystery television series that followed Adrian Monk (Tony Shalhoub), a brilliant but obsessive-compulsive detective, as he solved complex crimes while battling his personal phobias and anxieties. The show combined humor with heartfelt moments, showcasing Monk’s unique skills and his quest for normalcy amidst his psychological struggles. While watching an old episode recently, Monk was told, “Don’t be a stranger to yourself.”

“Don’t be a stranger to yourself” means you should stay connected with your true self. We need to be self-aware of our feelings, values, and inner thoughts. Vulnerability, self-awareness, and authenticity are key here to reminding us not to lose touch with who we really are amidst life’s busy or external influences. I like to think of it as maintaining a genuine relationship with ourselves so we can understand and support our own needs and growth.

Being Vulnerable

Gandalf’s words at the end of J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Return of the King carry a deep and comforting message. When he said, “Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil” (p. 155), he was acknowledging to Sam, Merry, and Pippin as they said goodbye to Frodo, that tears and grief are natural responses to loss and change. Tears reflect the love and care we feel for others, or just our emotional state at the time. Gandalf recognized that mourning is part of healing and that crying can be a gift. It’s really an expression of the heart’s depth. His words gently reminded us that sadness has a place in our lives and that through our tears, we honor what we have lost and find a path toward acceptance and peace.

As a believer that vulnerability is one of the most underused and underdeveloped leadership attributes, we must recognize our own and others’ emotions. Crying can be a moment of vulnerability that resonates deeply with others. I have blogged about crying before in Tears Give The Courage To Suffer. Emotional transparency fosters trust and authenticity. In my new book, Mere Leadership, I said, “Vulnerability allows leaders to connect with others on a human level, fostering trust and open communication. By acknowledging their limitations and mistakes, leaders create an environment where followers feel safe to express their own vulnerabilities” (p. 72). This is all about understanding ourselves as well as others.

Gandalf was showing his strong emotional validation by recognizing, understanding, and accepting Sam, Merry, and Pippin’s emotional experience in that moment of saying goodbye to Frodo. We can validate emotions by acknowledging both the feeling someone has and the situation that triggered it.