Try Calling In
I was so happy to see “New” pop up on the television in the description for The Equalizer last night. I love the show. Delilah (Laya DeLeon Hayes), Robin McCall’s (Queen Latifah) daughter, had called out one of her school friends over a question of family heritage. In a discussion with Delilah, Viola “Vi” Marsette (Lorraine Toussaint) told Delilah that instead of calling her friend out, she should try calling her in. We really have become a call-out culture and taken conversations that should be opportunities to inquire and learn and turned them into mud slinging or even worse. Some are even referring to this as the “calling out culture.” It has become so easy to call-out others on social media, television media, YouTube, or other message boards. It is even curious to me how brazen people have gotten at calling others out in public.
To me, “calling in” would be would be the more loving way to have a difficult conversation. And, when we can, how about doing it in private and with respect? Calling in could take us from blame to contribution. As a participant in a leadership development gathering I facilitated this weekend pointed out, we need to listen to hear. Calling in helps us to do just that – hear. In most cases, calling someone out has become trivial, oriented toward turf protection, and despicable. This verbal “trashing” reminds me of what I believe the Ancient Greeks called an “ad hominem” attack. With this attack, the opponent attacks us personally, changes the subject, and uses “virtue signaling”. I blogged about virtue signaling in Leading Without “Virtue Signaling”. So, let’s call others in and make sure we are listening to hear and understand.
Eliminating Disdain & Maintaining Respect
In the leadership development work I do we always all agree that relationships are the key to everything. And, they really are. Healthy and respectful working relationships are a must if you want an effective and enjoyable workplace, organization, community, or even world. One cornerstone to healthy relationship building is intellectual humility. When practicing intellectual humility, we open our minds to learning. With intellectual humility we become wiser. It is really about realizing that we can learn from opposing views and have more constructive discussions, even when we disagree. Practicing intellectual humility allows us to be less judgmental of others.
This has actually been a topic of my blog posts many times before. I began thinking about virtue signaling, which I first blogged about in Leading Without “Virtue Signaling.” Then, this morning, when reading in Amor Towles’ incredible book The Lincoln Highway, I came across this statement about Emmett Watson, an 18-year-old Nebraskan farm kid just released from a Kansas juvenile detention center after serving 15 months for involuntary manslaughter: “Emmett was raised to hold no man in disdain. To hold another man in disdain, his father said, would presume you knew so much about his lot, so much about his intentions, about his actions, both public and private, that you could rank his character against your own without fear of misjudgment.” That’s a pretty powerful statement, don’t you think? By not judging, virtue signaling, or holding others in disdain we enable a community that values learning and where learning happens when what is not known or understood is acknowledged.
We must model this humility by admitting when we do not know or understand something. Modeling also involves recognizing the value in opinions that are different from our own. In the face of conflicting evidence, we need to be open to changing our opinions. The disdain and contempt described by Emmett’s father destroys teams, communities, and relationships. It prevents trust and respect and makes it hard for any real human warmth. It is tangibly damaging, causes stress and can harm people emotionally, mentally and ultimately physically.
Finally, I am reminded of what Carlo Strenger said: “The difference between civilized disdain and political correctness is that the former allows one to feel disdain for a person’s or group’s views or beliefs while maintaining respect for the human beings that hold them.” There will be gaps in knowledge, ideological divides, differences of opinion, and cultural differences, but we must strive for fruitful cooperation and shared learning to be effective world citizens.
Digging Up The Past To Get Past This
Last night I facilitated an incredible gathering of up and coming educational leaders from Georgia, North and South Carolina, and Tennessee. The title is the evening was “Do You Really Want It?” I got the inspiration for this session from my friends in the band Nothing More. A couple of years ago I had the chance to spend some time in their tour bus with them visiting and talking about inspiration behind a couple of songs. They have an incredible song “Do You Really Want It?” that I use to prompt deep thought and reflection for discussion concerning change, diversity, and overcoming our American demons (a term introduced in the song). Last night’s discussion did not disappoint.
Every time I facilitate this discussion one stanza always comes up. “You gotta dig up the past to get past this.” I have been contemplating this a lot lately with all that is going on in the world. We must study the past and that sometimes involves digging up the past. But, we must get better at doing that in a productive way that allows us to actually learn from that past. I’ve been reading a lot on this and am reading Why Don’t We Learn From History by military historian B. H. Liddell Hart right now.
In the book we are told that when we’re able to learn from history, we can literally change the world. Otto von Bismarck “famously claimed that only fools learn from their own experiences. Truly visionary leaders – according to Bismarck – draw inspiration and insight from the experiences of others.” That is why we must study all leaders, even those in the background and behind the scenes, to learn from the good and the bad.
“History is the record of man’s steps and slips. It provides us with the opportunity to profit by the stumbles and tumbles of our forerunners.”
B. H. Liddell Hart
Every person needs to be studying history in order to broaden our understanding of the world. “Sure, an 80-year-old may have decades of life lessons to guide her actions, but a student of history will have hundreds or thousands of years’ worth of data to draw upon.” Hart taught us that, “Historians must pursue the truth even when it is uncomfortable.” I loved that Hart discussed that the context that the events of the past took place, the context of any documents created, and any biases must be taken into account when studying history.
We have an obligation to study history and it is critical that we provide history and civics lessons that students can apply as they become citizen leaders. In another great book I’m reading right now by Matt Haig, How To Stop Time: A Novel, Tom Hazard answered the question of how he would bring history alive for students by saying, “There was no easier question in the world. ‘History isn’t something you need to bring to life. History already is alive. We are history. History isn’t politicians or kings and queens. History is everyone. It is everything. It’s that coffee. You could explain much of the whole history of capitalism and empire and slavery just by talking about coffee. The amount of blood and misery that has taken place for us to sit here and sip coffee out of paper cups is incredible.’” This is so true and thus we must make history and civics relevant for our students. We must be infusing real world issues and problems into the instruction, so our students can apply and adapt learning.
Because our youth are our future citizen leaders, we have an obligation to make the fountain of wisdom unattainable through mere personal experience that studying history provides. Let’s all do our part to study and teach history so we have the hundreds or thousands of years’ worth of data to draw upon.
Telling The Story Of Our History
The older I get the more I like watching the reruns of the old shows. I sure hope that doesn’t mean I am getting old, because that is something I have refused over and over to do. One old show I love watching is Daniel Boone. As you know, 🎶 “Daniel Boone was a man, he was a big man.” 🎵 Yesterday morning, the Daniel Boone Christmas episode was being replayed. The episode’s writer, Stephen Lord, parallels the Luke 2 Christmas story in the Bible with storytelling perfection. At the end there is even the reference of a single bright torch to signify the birth of a son which then shifts to the image of a bright star. For a very complete description of the 14th Episode of Season 2, click here.
Watching this reminded me of just how far we have come as a country since the time of Daniel Boone and the experiment that is the United States began. We still have a long way to go, but we’ve come a long way too. While there were characters in this show saying things and acting in a way that ashamed me, they also learned and were changing their attitudes and way they treated others in the end. The episode even had characters asking for forgiveness. I do not agree with, those who want to erase history. We need to keep our history in front of us and teach our kids what every person in our past did, both good and bad. If our children are to have a sense of their own history, we cannot sanitize it. To this end we need high quality and effective civics education.
I had the opportunity to be on a webinar recently through ExcelinEd with Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as part of EdPalooza 2020. She is such an incredible leader and any time I have the opportunity to learn from her I take it. She was joined by John Meacham, Pulitzer Prize winner and a New York Times bestselling author and the webinar was expertly moderated by Juan Williams. The topic of conversation was civics education. Here are bullet point quotes of great points I wrote down and tweeted during the webinar:
- “Start them [children] early in ways that let students be involved in our democracy. And, teach our kids to make arguments to defend their opinions.” ~ Condoleezza Rice
- “Teach history through case-study. It allows us to tell the stories and learn.” “You can tell that story…” ~ John Meacham
- “Teach history and civics by simulations and role-playing. Let them engage and live in the history.” ~ Condoleezza Rice
- “Cultural literacy is important. We tend to think in analogies and more and more we do not broadly understand the analogies.” “If you see a student flicker with interest, flood the zone.” ~ John Meacham
- “Somehow we need get the entire story of history told. Let’s not leave anyone out. Jefferson was contradictory, but needs to be taught. It’s very complex.” ~ Condoleezza Rice
- “What are the [historical] examples that can guide us?” “Narrative is our friend; tell the story.” “Our students learn better through case studies and stories.” ~ John Meacham
As you can see, this session entitled “In the Hands of Our Children: The Road Ahead for a Strong Democracy” was incredible. It reminded me of my blog post We Voted! that I did as a reflection of going with my son to vote in his first presidential election. Condoleezza Rice once made these positive comments on “the long road to freedom” through a sometimes violent past, crediting “Americans claiming those institutions for themselves and expanding the definition of ‘We the People.'” “That Constitution originally counted my ancestors as three-fifths of a man,” she said. “In 1952 my father had trouble registering to vote in Birmingham, Alabama. And then, in 2005, I stood in the Ben Franklin Room … I took an oath of office to that same Constitution, and it was administered by a Jewish woman Supreme Court Justice. That’s the story of America.” We can’t erase our past, so let’s not try to hide it from our children, but help them to understand it, so they can be a part of making our world a better place for all.
Declaring Beliefs & Attitudes
John F. Kennedy was President on the day I was born
Trying to make sense out of political trends or political culture is very tricky at best. We see trends over time, but they are not always absolute. I’m not sure there is any longer a “typical American.” There are many indicators that become tendencies, but there are probably more exceptions. The bottom line is that there are many factors that influence Americans when they cast their secret ballot. I’ve been reflecting on this on this 2020 President’s Day.
Family certainly plays a role. Think about the Kennedy’s who were staunch Democrats. Think about the Bush’s who are die hard Republicans. When I look at my own son’s political views, he certainly has not fallen far from the proverbial tree. But, you can look at other families where the children go to the complete other side of political views. One only needs to study President Ronald Reagan’s children. We do know, however, from research that parental beliefs do have great influence on children’s political beliefs.
One thing is for sure, Americans have a great deal of political power. More than most realize. As Joe Biden always says, “All politics are personal.” Therefore, since it is personal and a conversation, then every American has a voice. First of all, and most importantly, everyone needs to vote. Voting is the most fundamental form of civic engagement in a democracy. Voting is an expression of your beliefs and also has consequences based on choices.
Machiavelli taught us to “declare.” I have always practiced this – there is never a mistake where I stand on something. Others just tell others what they want to here. Beliefs are those closely held ideas that support our values and expectations about life and politics. Our attitudes are affected by our personal beliefs and represent the preferences we form based on our life experiences and values.
In a democracy we have an obligation to “declare” these beliefs and attitudes. At the same time, however, it is important to respect those with differing opinions. I did not say agree with, I said respect. I have blogged about this in Civilized Disdain Vs. Political Correctness, What Can We Create Together, and Typical Discourse. Our beliefs and attitudes over time become a set of norms and core values that solidify our political and societal views. This in turn forms how we believe should happen in our society or what the government should do in a particular situation. Remember, your views are important and valued.
Typical Discourse
Earlier this week during our National Association of State Boards of Education (NASBE) Board of Directors meeting a comment was made during a discussion about our Public Education Position report about “typical discourse”. The comment was that we did not practice typical discourse any more. This got me thinking about what was “typical discourse”, anyway? I guess I see typical discourse as having vigorous debate about what to do with challenges and opportunities. This vigorous, honest, and transparent debate must involve all stakeholders, different political parties, and the entire political spectrum.
So, we have a complicated challenge on so many fronts. These fronts include education reform, equity issues, workforce, economy, and real human suffering just to name a few. This amounts to desperate need for a vigorous debate and our best thinking. Instead, it seems we have become a society of character assassination. In many cases we have become trivial, oriented toward turf protection, and despicable. This reminds me of what I believe the Ancient Greeks called an “ad hominem” attack. With this attack, the opponent attacks us personally, changes the subject, and uses “virtue signaling”. I blogged about virtue signaling in Leading Without “Virtue Signaling”.
Bottom line: we have strayed from civilized disdain and discourse and safe disagreement. I blogged about these in Safe Disagreement and Civilized Disdain Vs. Political Correctness. We need to find a way to turn discourse back to something substantial. Let’s work together to get to useful dialogue.
Loving America
Recently, I was in a group that had individuals continually bashing the United States. Keep in mind these were fellow U.S. citizens. I really have a problem with this; our country is not perfect, has things to improve on, and people with different values and ideals than mine, but I love our country and would never speak ill of it. This is not me challenging their motives because they hold a different worldview than mine, but that I would rather there be a discussion of specific beliefs and differences in opinions. I wrote about this while celebrating on country’s birth on July 4th in 2015 in Civilized Disdain Vs. Political Correctness. When studying our history it is found that we have become an incredible collection of states and people because of our, sometimes violent, differences.
I finished the great book, The Field Of Blood: Violence in Congress and the Road To the Civil War, by Joanne Freeman, a couple of weeks ago and learned about the very violent confrontations in our legislature over differences. These differences led to physical violence. Freeman’s research-based approach to this book tells us of how debate and disagreements would break down into violent fights, including duels, canings, fist fights, knife fights, and all out brawls. None of this took place in a state of vacuity; the media of the time were involved as well as other prominent figures. All the actors in this book, I believe, had a great love for our country, but were in a time when this barbarousness, while not accepted by all, still took place. These differences ultimately ended in a Civil War, that ultimately tested our bonds of union and democracy.
Loving the United States, or anyone’s country for that matter, well means taking her seriously and working to preserve what lovely about her and to help to fix what is not. Instead, for many, their love of their country is conditional. As long as everything is on the course they choose, they are full of patriotism and love and enjoying all the traditions and ceremonies. Conversely, when things are not going to the liking of these individuals, they have no respect for our officials, our ceremonies, or our traditions. So, if the love of one’s country is conditional this way for some; I would argue that it is not love of country, but love of self being substituted for love of country.
My love for my State of Indiana and the United States is not transitory. There can be no falling in and out of love. Even when I am disappointed or working very hard to make things better, my love is permanent.
Byron's Babbles 
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