Byron's Babbles

What Do You Really Want?

IMG_3343Yesterday at our Impact Indy program to kick off our Noble Education Initiative supported schools in Indianapolis, Indiana I did a program titled: Leading Like a Rock Star: Chaos and Earthquakes. To kick off the program I played the video of the song “Do You Really Want It” by one of my favorite bands, Nothing More. Click here to watch the video:

Even if you are not a fan of the same genre′ of music as me, you’ll have to admit that the words make you think and reflect. The chorus really gets to me: “Everybody wants to change the world, but one things clear; nobody wants to change themselves.” So true! This is one of those Walk the Walk or Walk the Talk things. Do we really want to make the changes or develop ourselves in the ways necessary to make the revolutionary and transformational changes we need?

IMG_3344Our discussion was very rich around this topic. I had the participants write down two things they had recently changed about themselves and two things they had resisted changing. It was a very open and candid discussion. Amazingly, in all cases when someone had gone ahead and made a change in themselves they were resisting, it led to great results.

“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” ~ Winston Churchill

Fortunately and unfortunately, we are creatures of habit. Our brain creates neural pathways from repetitive thoughts and behaviors in an attempt to be efficient and make those things easier. And after some time, they become our default way of functioning. For things we want to change this is default is unfortunate, but we can you is to advantage by making the new changes the new habits or default. We live on “auto-pilot” in some cases. Even with an intention to change, we find ourselves repeating the same behaviors and experiencing the same thoughts. When these thoughts are based in doubt and fear, they are even harder to change. On some level, they are serving a protective function for us.

IMG_3345Some changes we resist because biologically we seek to stay status quo or be in a state of homeostasis. But, some changes we resist because of being hypocritical. I believe the chorus in Nothing More’s song, “Everybody wants to change the world, but one things clear; nobody wants to change themselves,” really describes this hypocrisy. It’s the old “do as I say, not as I do” syndrome. This hypocrisy doesn’t just undermine a leader’s authority, it can also directly threaten how the group functions. A leader’s perceived personal integrity, in other words, is a cue for how everyone who follows to interact.

If we want to make positive change, we must be willing to change ourselves and make our actions match our words. When the talk of the leader makes about what she values is consistent with her actions and the things she rewards, her followers will be more willing to engage and treat one another like neighbors. This alignment creates the feeling that when people put in effort on each other’s behalf, those efforts will be recognized and they’ll be supported when they need it. And it leads to trust that the organization or community has its members’ long-term interests at heart.

Unfortunately, this trust is lost by the hypocritical leadership we are discussing here. Hypocritical leadership is when a leader says one thing, but does another. It is when someone exhorts behaving one way, but then continues to behave in another. On the other hand, however, demonstrative leadership is when leaders not only talk the talk, but walk the walk as well. Are you ready to demonstrate changing yourself? Do you really want it?

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  1. […] were to listen and graphically reflect on what the song meant to them as leaders. Click here to read another post, “What Do You Really Want?”, I wrote about this song and see a […]

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