Building Memories
Those that know me know that my son and I are very close. You also know that he is in college six hours away. Furthermore, you know that any time I get to spend time with him is precious and I always leave in a funk for a few days (okay, sometimes weeks) after spending time with him. Now, all of that said, I am super proud of him and this is the way it is supposed to be. He is supposed to be creating his own life. Still, our time with him is precious and I love when we get to do things and go new and old places with him.
It is so awesome to get the call, “Hey, do you and mom want to come down to the conference basketball championship game? We’re all going and thought you might want to come.” My answer: “Yes!!!” Your son invites you to anything, the answer better be yes. I have always valued the time spent with Heath. We have always called it building memories. Ever since he was born he has gone everywhere with me. And, every time we all go places together more memories are built and the more I miss him when Hope and I have to leave him.
This morning I read a tweet (see photo) from Paul Stanley that was super insightful and put it all into perspective. After referencing the family vacation he had been on he said, “So lucky to have new things to miss. You can’t until you know they exist!” Wow, this is part of building memories! You can’t miss something you never knew existed. I’m so blessed to be able to build those memories and things to miss, with my family. It is a privilege that I do not take lightly.
It is true, travel is a great disruptor and place to find new things to miss, but some of the biggest things don’t involve travel. I love when Heath is home and we all eat together. Or, my all time favorite: going to the barn together.
Think about how you might find new things to miss with those you serve outside of family. For example, last week I was invited to dinner (thanks Megan) at Old Ebbitt Grill while at a conference in Washington D.C. I was so excited to be invited, but my first thought was that I was kind of tired from the day’s events. Then, I thought, “No, I love Old Ebbitt and haven’t been there in a few years and most importantly I want to spend time with these friends and new acquaintances.” Needless to say, I went and had an incredible time reconnecting and making new friends. In fact, no surprise, but myself and three others were the last to leave from our big group. New things to miss! New friends to miss! Old friends that I hadn’t spent time with side by side (literally) at a restaurant laughing and sharing with since before the Pandemic. I am now missing all those friends but am so glad we built those memories.
Relationships are the key to everything. Let’s all be “looking for new things to miss.” Let’s all be “building memories” with our families and those we serve.
Stop Look & Listen
I have always tried to imagine myself more as a helper instead of leader. Hopefully this keeps me grounded and lowers the power differential between myself and those I serve. We must remember that the people we serve or those seeking help are in a position in which they must be able to trust in our knowledge and guidance. Ken Blanchard told us that “When your people are your focus, they know they are part of a team and are motivated to give you their best efforts” (Blanchard & Conley, 2022, p. 41). This was a great reminder in Simple Truth #14, “The Best Use Of Power Is In Service To Others”, in Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways To Be A Servant Leader and Build Trust, Making Common Sense Common Practice by Ken Blanchard and Randy Conley.
People need to feel safe and secure before they can bring their best selves to the workplace and in order to be able to do their best work. If left to itself, the power differential can get in the way of those we serve sense of safety. Building relationships is key here. I once had someone remind me that we need to lead like we are at a railroad crossing – stop, look, and listen! Which in turn enables us to learn how to be best help those we serve.
Nuanced Complexity
The word Nuance means very subtle or little difference between the two things. So, when someone asks you to give or make a nuanced report of something, it means to make a detailed, verified, acknowledged, and characteristic report. Opening day for Major League Baseball (MLB) ⚾️ is this week, so my eyes and attention have been turned to America’s Pastime. That means my attention has also turned to my beloved Cincinnati Reds and Reds Beat. Mark Sheldon made a comment in his Reds Beat Newsletter that jumped out at me. I have always loved his work and wish I could go to a Reds game with him sometime. The first paragraph welcomed us back to the newsletter and then in the second paragraph he wrote:
“One great change from the past two years is reporters are allowed back inside the clubhouse. Hopefully this translates to better reporting from me and more enjoyable reading for you. Talking to players, the manager and coaches means more candid answers to questions and more depth to information. It should also bring something that is difficult to achieve on Zoom and impossible to get on social media — nuance.”
Mark Sheldon
Did you catch that? More candid answers and more depth – those allow for nuance. Sheldon is so right, nuance is difficult, not impossible, in a virtual platform and I continue to hone that skill daily. Nuance is not easy to notice, but as Sheldon points out very important to telling the whole story. In learning, real depth comes from individuals exploring their own views first and then placing them within the context of their organization. The depth of learning comes from the heuristic nature of nuance.
One of the leadership strategies I teach about is the need to move away from the old industrial model which uses binary questions that are yes/no or one right, one wrong answer. Sheldon’s point of nuance in an in person locker room interview is well taken. We imagine when he asks a question and the player pauses. Right then we know the answer is not a simple question with a binary answer. The in person interaction allows for both in the conversation to have that psychologically safety where to explore their own views first and then place them within the context of their team or organization. This is not to say it can’t be done on Zoom and we should continue to work at being able to provide the ethos for nuance, but it is much more effective in person.
My point here is how important a more nuanced approach can be. Getting rid of the binary approach allows us to put everything into context. And…context matters. Always! Ask any of us a question and there will be nuanced complexity. The nuances are not always easily seen, which is Sheldon’s point, but if we want to know the whole story we must seek to uncover the complexity of emotions, relationships, history, patterns, values, politics, and power dynamics.
What Does Success Look Like?
“They’re not sure how to please their boss, how to behave around their teammates, or what a good job looks like” (Blanchard & Conley, 2022, p. 39). Ever been there? I’ll bet many of you reading this have experienced this. Or, after listening to a leader pontificate about all her great values have someone lean over to you and say, “All talk! She doesn’t actually do or live out any of that.” I have experienced this all first hand and it’s not a good place to be. We all need and deserve to know what the expectations are and what success looks like. In fact, that is one of my favorite questions to ask: “What does success look like?” And, as we work shoulder to shoulder with those we serve, we need to model the expectations. As a teacher, principal, and superintendent I always said, and still do, that our students will live up to our expectations – so, let’s set them high and model them.
Then in Simple Truth #13, “You Get From People What You Expect”, in Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways To Be A Servant Leader and Build Trust, Making Common Sense Common Practice by Ken Blanchard and Randy Conley reminded us that expectations are so much more than words. We were also reminded that “You must walk your talk, or your words are meaningless” (p. 39). This really resonated with me as I have always been such a believer in modeling by walking the talk and walking the walk. In fact I have a picture in my office of penguins walking the talk. I used it as the feature photo of the blog post Walking The Talk! and am using it again for this post because it means so much to me and is such an important reminder. We need to paint a very clear picture for all those we serve, by walking the talk, of what success looks like.
Where Do We Put The First Brick?
During our final session of the National Association of State Boards of Education (NASBE) 2022 Legislative Conference, Scott Palmer of the Education Counsel, told the story that his grandfather said he could build a bridge if someone told him where to place the first brick. Then, he asked the panel he was moderating to tell where they would place the first brick as we continue recovery from COVID and redesign education. For me, this is about stopping the throwing of bricks at each other. Let’s have the difficult conversations and get it figured out for our scholars.
We all need to be rethinking what the opportunity to learn means. My first metaphorical brick, however, is that we need to find every child. Now, in our 514th day of the Global Pandemic, we have many students that have become anonymous. We need to find every child and make sure we are giving them the opportunity to learn. Then we need to take an integrated systems approach to:
- integrate all outside experiences the scholars have.
- we need to rethink the time and place of learning.
- we need to consider the time and place of learning.
- we need to consider the different paradigms for opportunities to learn.
- we need to provide critical experiences for all our students.
- we need to take into account the ecology of a young person’s experiences;
- all the adults that students experience and interact with.
- the other students in their lives.
- the extracurricular and other activities outside the traditional school day.
I continue to say that school is no longer just a place. We need to shift the system to meet the needs of every kid, not have the kids shift to meet the needs of the system.
I’ll leave you with this thought: Whatever we want to be true for our students has to be true for their teachers, including experiencing safety, belonging, and purpose in the community of school.
What Is The Point Of A Theory?
Recently, I heard someone say, “What is the point of a theory if no one is going to test it.” It was a great point because that is the point of a theory. A theory is a special language that explains and helps us understand some phenomenon, for example, learning, motivation, or administration (Tosi, 2009). The major function of a theory is to describe and explain – in fact, theory is a general explanation, which often leads to basic principles. This has really got me to thinking that so many times we leave the important part of creating a theory when trying to solve some issue. It is why developing a theory of action is so important.
I love the idea of heuristic learning and strive to create environments in my work facilitating professional development for that kind of learning to occur. Heuristic learning is the ability to discover for oneself while doing something. Therefore, a theory is heuristic because it stimulates and guides the further development of knowledge. We all use theories to guide our actions. Some are implicit, and others are explicit; in fact, many of our personal implicit theories are formal ones that have been internalized Hoy & Adams 2016). I believe that if we want coherence and accountability we must start with a theory of action and then test it. We can start by asking, “What is the challenge you are trying to solve?”
REFERENCES
Tosi, H.L. (2009). Theories of organization. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Hoy W. K. & Adams C. M. (2016). Quantitative Research in Education – A Primer. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Challenging Assumptions With Lateral Thinking
In the great book The Martian, Andy Weir uses the term “lateral thinking” to describe what NASA was doing a lot of to keep astronaut Mark Watney alive and bring him home from Mars. It won’t surprise anyone who knows me that I love lateral thinking. Lateral thinking is a tool used worldwide, knowingly/unknowingly by many individuals for a creative output/product. Psychologist Dr. Edward de Bono originated the term lateral thinking and is a proponent of the teaching of thinking as a subject in schools. Imagine that – teaching students to think. Lateral thinking processes provide guidance for thinking out of the box, thinking and creating something that has never been thought of. Just what was needed for Mark Watney’s success return to home in the novel and the real life return home of Apollo 13.
” Intelligence is something we are born with. Thinking is a skill that must be learned.”
~ Dr. Edward de Bono
Lateral thinking looks at things from a sideways perspective in order to find answers that aren’t immediately apparent. In other words, being able to think creatively or “outside the box” in order to solve a problem. Lateral thinking is very situational. Lateral thinking leads to changes in attitude and approach; to looking in a different way at things which have always been looked at in the same way. Liberation from old ideas and the stimulation of new ones are twin aspects of lateral thinking.
With lateral thinking we challenge assumptions and generate alternatives – what many call “out of the box thinking.” I didn’t even know there was a box! This is why I am such a believer in using real world and relevant contexts when facilitating learning. Notice I didn’t say teaching. When students are in a productive struggle working out a real world problem or issue, they are learning to learn and think and be creative. Whether we serve adults or young scholars we need facilitate learning that hones their ability to develop original answers to difficult questions. Why is this so important? Because in our world today, traditional solutions are unlikely to get the desired result. We all remember that failure was not an option on Apollo 13. How was failure averted? The “voyage and return” lateral thinking.
The Psychological Contract
In his great book Helping, which I end up rereading every couple of months, Edgar H. Schein told us “We have a psychological contract with those we serve.” This is so true. Living up to this contract in a positive and constructive way is part of loving those we serve. If we truly want to help someone, we need to use humble inquiry to find out what help is needed and make sure that we are not taking “face” away from the other person. Helping is about finding out what someone needs. Help can only be based on what the other person identifies as his or her problem. Therefore, the most basic form of help is to enable the other person to figure out what the real problem is. This requires us to be humble and build a relationship before proposing, suggesting, or selling anything.
I started this post on the airplane to Washington D.C. last night and shortly after I got to the hotel the perfect example of humble inquiry happened. I am on the 15th floor and needed to know where the ice machines were. When I went back down to to lobby I asked, “What floors are the ice machines on?” Rather than immediately playing expert and answering exactly what I had asked, my helper inquired, “What floor are you on?” I said, “On the 15th?” He then replied, “The closest machine to you is on the 12th floor. When you get off the elevator turn left and it is right there.” With one simple question my helper had provided more valuable information than just rattling off all the floors that had ice machines, which is what I had asked. The psychological contract had begun to be filled. I would certainly be comfortable going to him for help in the future. Being comfortable is certainly the beginning of a great client/helper relationship.
As leaders, and thus helpers, keeping our psychological contracts with others might just be the most influential thing we can do. This contract has to do with the perceptions of the relationships and the influence of our day to day actions. Trust, based on established trustworthiness of the parties, is key to the relationship. Every psychological contract we have is different for every person we interact with because every person is different. This non-tangible contract is fluid and constantly developing based on communication between the parties.
Respect, equity, compassion, trust, empathy, fairness, and objectivity are just some of the characteristics of a healthy psychological contract. When you think about, these are characteristics that when practiced and differentiated based on each person’s needs go a long way toward changing the lives of all for the better.
Creating Autonomy Is More Than Stepping In A Puddle
Simple Truth #12, “Create Autonomy Through Boundaries”, in Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways To Be A Servant Leader and Build Trust, Making Common Sense Common Practice by Ken Blanchardand Randy Conley reminded me of what my friend and mentor David Marquet always says, “[empowerment and agency without developing the technical skills will create chaos.” Blanchard reminded us of this in this chapter when he said, “Ensure people are aware of all procedures, rules, and laws” (p. 37). The development, goals, expectations, and accountability give us the boundaries.
“A river without banks is a large puddle.”
John Carlos and Alan Randolph in Empowerment Takes More Than A Minute
Just yesterday, as I was in a gathering as a part of some Aspen Institute work in education I am doing right now, we were contemplating how to make sure our educators have the professional growth and development to do all the work that science tells us is necessary to enhance the quality and depth of student learning when the students have opportunities to interact with others and make meaningful connections to subject material. This is really a combination of the teachers and students having the autonomy to do this important work. Therefore, it is important for organizations to take a systems approach to promoting development and addressing both student and adult skills and beliefs; organizational culture, climate, and norms; and routines and structures that guide basic interactions and instruction. I don’t believe this looks much different no matter what the organization is in the business of doing. If we want more than a “puddle” of autonomy we must create the meaningful opportunities for developing the right ethos for autonomy, agency, and empowerment.
Don’t Be A Courage Crusher
Courageous Cultures: How to Build Teams of Micro-Innovators, Problem Solvers, and Customer Advocates by Karin Hurt
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
A courageous culture becomes a community where individuals are engaged and finding, developing, and using their full potential. I love that “courage crushers” were called out by Hurt and Dye very early. Sadly, I have worked in organizations with these types. These are toxic environments, as you pointed out. Also, I loved the thought of creating a courage oasis.
I have always been big on the point of there needing to be clarity. This became very evident during the pandemic. As Hurt and Dye pointed out, there cannot be curiosity without clarity. It was also discussed that with clarity of goals, processes, and roles and responsibilities comes a safe place.
Finally, I loved all the tips and real examples sprinkled throughout the book. For example, I loved the example of the “magic button” for employees to use to provide feedback and give ideas. If we truly want organizations and communities where everyone is engaged, we must provide safe place where those we serve can be courageous. Everyone needs to read this book, but if you are a “courage crusher” PLEASE read this book!
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