Reminiscing Part 2
This morning I wrote Reminiscing. Now, as promised, I am writing Reminiscing Part 2. In this new phase of parenthood where I have a Dad/Lad adult relationship it is interesting the things we talk about. Yesterday, as we were sitting at a Purdue March Madness Pre-Game event in Detroit, Michigan my son, Heath, said, “You know, I’m sitting here thinking of all the athletic events I went with you to while you were principal at Emmerich Manual High School. I really wish that great basketball team would not have lost in the championship game of sectionals. I still remember the pre-game talk you gave them and the consolations of how proud you were of them after the game.” We went on to talk for about an hour about that timeframe of our lives. Wow, amazing what my middle schooler, at the time, remembers of what is dad said and did. Scary! Huh? Remember and beware, we aren’t always aware of the influence we are having.
I am so glad that my son started the walk down memory lane. The tables are turning from me being the story teller to him telling the stories. Reminiscing about memories with a father and son, or any parent/child relationship can strengthen their bond and create a sense of nostalgia and connection. It allows us to reflect on shared experiences, cherish moments from the past, and deepen our relationship through storytelling, lessons learned, and laughter. These shared memories can also serve as a source of comfort and support during challenging times, creating a strong foundation for our relationships moving forward.
Reminiscing
We are spending an incredible weekend in Detroit, Michigan all revolving around the 2024 NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship – Midwest Regional. Of course we are here for the Purdue Boilermakers. BTW: we rolled past Gonzaga 80-68 last night, earning a spot in the Elite Eight. We are really here because my son called me and said, “Hey you want to go to Detroit and watch Purdue?” Those that know me, know I have trouble saying no to building great memories – especially with my son. I got the tickets, secured a hotel room, and off we went. On the way up I asked why we didn’t just go to the games in Indianapolis 45 minutes from home, rather than the four ours to Detroit? He said, “This will give us more to ‘reminisce’ about.” He was right of course and that was pretty special to hear from my, now adult, son. And, was not the last time this weekend he would use the word “reminisce”. I’m going to save the other time he wanted to reminisce yesterday for tomorrow’s post. Needless to say, without knowing it he was reinforcing the power of building memories with our children and giving them those learned experiences.
Interestingly, my son graduated from Murray State University, loved it there, and is a huge supporter as an alumni, but he will always love the Boilermakers. Funny thing is, I will always love the Murray State Racers. With mom and dad both graduating from there, Heath has been to a lot of Purdue athletic events – a lot! No doubt, these athletic events are a great way to spend quality time with our children while creating cherished memories. Here’s the deal: what could be more important than that?
Here’s why this matters. Attending college athletic events at our alma maters can be a great way to bond with our children and create lasting memories for several reasons. First, these events often have a strong sense of tradition and school spirit, which can instill a sense of pride and connection to the school in both parents and children. Additionally, watching sports together can be exciting and fun, creating a shared experience that can strengthen family bonds. Finally, attending these events can also provide opportunities for children to learn about teamwork, sportsmanship, and perseverance, all of which are valuable life lessons. We must never forget that those memories we build with our children, no matter what their age, are shaping their lives. What are you reminiscing about?
Big Dreams
I am reading the incredible novel, The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride right now. This book is about a diverse population living side by side and their dreams, big ambitions, and heartbreaks. A line in the book that caused me to pause and reflect today was, “For a guy who dreams big you think small.” I had never thought about the need for congruency between dreams and thought but there needs to be. This phrase suggested that the person who had the big dreams or aspirations was not thinking in a way that aligned with those goals. It also suggested that the person was not being proactive or taking the necessary steps to achieve their dreams, despite having ambitious aspirations.
This reminded me that we must think outside of our current limitations and take bold actions to make our dreams a reality. Our dreams and thoughts must be congruent. As leaders we need to remember this and help those we serve who dream big think big to remember to set specific, achievable goals that align with their aspirations. By breaking down our big dreams into smaller, manageable steps, we can see progress and stay motivated.
Additionally, we must provide support, guidance, and resources to help individuals develop the necessary skills and mindset to think and act on a larger scale. Encouraging others to surround themselves with like-minded individuals and seek out mentors can also inspire them to think bigger and reach their full potential.
Being A Bystander
On Monday, through a collaboration I am doing with Marian University’s Center for Vibrant Schools I was working with the teachers at Trinity Lutheran School. It was a great day of visiting classrooms, coaching, working with teacher leaders, and after-school professional development. As I always say when I am in classrooms I pay most attention to what students are doing. In one class the students engaged me in their activity. The students were working in groups preparing for skits. A student proceeded to ask the teacher if she could ask me to be in the skit. He said yes and the student proceeded to ask me if I would portray Jesus in her group’s skit. I was thrilled and I must say our skit was incredible! Another class was studying the book of Matthew and the teacher had a writing prompt for the students to describe which of the persons in the book of Matthew they could relate to best.
After turning in their short essays the teacher asked them to share out who they had chosen and why they best related to them. One student gave an answer that no one was expecting. He said, “The bystanders because they were there listening and learning.” Pretty insightful for an eighth grader, don’t you think? The teacher and I were both blown away by the insight given by this student. I couldn’t quit thinking about it. The student was right, sometimes we need to take the role of the bystander.
There is definitely a lot to learn from being a bystander. By observing situations from a distance, we can gain valuable insights into how people interact, how conflicts unfold, and how different choices lead to different outcomes. Additionally, in situations where our involvement could escalate a conflict or cause harm, it may be better to observe and not get directly involved. It’s important to assess each situation carefully and consider the potential consequences before deciding whether to take action or stay on the sidelines.
Being a bystander can give us the opportunity to reflect on our own values, beliefs, and biases, and consider how they influence our actions or inaction in certain situations. This can help us develop a better understanding of human behavior and improve our own decision-making skills. Bottom line: sometimes it is best for us to listen, learn, and be a bystander rather than being a major contributor.
Stepping On The Line
Yesterday, I heard someone describe another person like this, “She steps on the line.” I didn’t know the person being described but loved the description and was pretty sure I would be impressed with her. The comment suggested that she will skirt the edge by pushing the boundaries. I was imagining that she likes to test the boundaries and push the limits. This description also indicated her willingness to take risks and challenge the status quo.
This also got me to thinking that, as leaders, we also have to step out of line. Sometimes we need to take risks. By seeing the big picture we can connect with what’s needed. We need to dare to stand out and be willing to head somewhere off the beaten path.
Someday I Will…
Today, while I was in a school working with teachers, I heard some students making “Someday I will…” statements. I love these visionary statements of future plans and goals. There is a great deal of value in young people, and adults alike, pondering thoughts of “Someday I will…” Making these statements can help us set goals, plan for the future, and stay motivated. Envisioning future accomplishments and aspirations, can help the young and old work toward achieving our dreams and making them a reality.
It can also help them stay focused and determined in the face There will always be obstacles and challenges, but our “Someday I will…” statements keep us focused and determined. Thinking about what we want to achieve someday can inspire all of us to grow.
Leaving Lasting Impact
I absolutely loved the book, The Long Game, by Ann Leckie. In this sci-fi novel that is part of The Far Reaches collection, a curious life form on a far out colony learned more about its own species and the human species. One thing the life form learned is that “Your species is just very short lived. But you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And you should think about how to make sure that accomplishment doesn’t disappear after you’re gone” (Leckie, p. 5). The alien species was learning to take pride in its achievements and think about how to preserve those achievements for future generations. It underscores the importance of leaving a lasting impact and legacy that will continue to benefit others even after we are no longer around.
This thought of leaving a legacy played off the title of the book when it was said, “The humans have a thing they call the long game. Most humans, just like people, are usually just thinking of today. What can they eat today? How can they stay safe today? But then sometimes they’re thinking way ahead, thinking of things too big for them to do here and now. It’s how they’ve done things like go into the sky or read the instructions of life” (Leckie, p. 24). While we must think of short term things like what we will eat for our next meal, we must be thinking about the long game.
This long game refers to actions taken by individuals or groups over an extended period to achieve a specific goal or outcome. It involves thinking ahead, anticipating potential challenges, and making decisions that will lead to long-term success or fulfillment. In essence, it is about setting goals and working towards them with a focus on sustainability and future impact.
LEAP Off The Island
I didn’t plan it this way, but I am pretty pumped that it worked out that I am writing my 29th post of 2024 on Leap Day. I won’t be able to do that again until 2028. As I thought about 2028 I began thinking about projects I’ve got going, people I am working with, relationships I’m building, and lots of other things like people I want to meet and have conversations with. Really, though, most of my thoughts revolved around people. This made me think of something I heard someone say earlier this week, “No human lives on an island.” So true! No one is entirely self-sufficient and independent. We humans are social beings who rely on, and are connected to, others in order to thrive and survive. It’s a “symptom of being human.” I love the metaphor of an island. Just as an island is surrounded by water and connected to other land masses, humans are surrounded by a network of relationships and cannot exist in isolation.
“…you and I together are much, much more than one plus one. We are as many as we are able to be, and less and more.” ~ Nora Bateson, Small Arcs of Larger Circles
C. S. Lewis told us in God in the Dock that, “It is a law of the natural universe that no being can exist on its own resources. Everyone, everything, is hopelessly indebted to everyone and everything else” (Lewis, p. 85). Here, Lewis was highlighting the interconnectedness of all beings, including human beings. He was emphasizing that no being can survive solely on its own resources, and that we are all dependent on each other in some way. This idea reflects the concept of interdependence and the importance of relationships in our lives.
We are all participants in this world whether we want to be or not. As Nora Bateson told us in Small Arcs of Larger Circles, “To be a participant in a complex system is to desire to be both lost and found in the interrelationships between people, nature, and ideas” (Bateson, location 142 in Kindle). Note here the reminder that we are all participants in a complex system. Another favorite lesson of mine from Nora’s book is about cereal. She said, “The determination of something as simple as the quality of breakfast cereal is a complex idea that carries along in its wake a long string of influences ranging from developments in agriculture to physical labor and politics, to social demographics and eventually to the place we call taste… but it is just an idea made of other ideas, in a living world of ideas all pushing and pulling each other. They don’t sit still” (Bateson, location 198 in Kindle). We do all live in a world where we are pushing and pulling each other and push and pull spans the globe. Everything is ever-changing and we must remember to grow and evolve with those changes.
Hope Is Keeping The Light Shining
The band Disturbed has always fascinated me. They have an awesome song, The Light, that has caused me to pause and reflect. This reflection comes especially from a couple of phrases:
- “Sometimes darkness can show you the light”
- “Don’t let hope become a memory”
The phrase “Sometimes darkness can show you the light” means that in difficult or challenging times, there can be opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and finding solutions. It also suggests that even in the darkest moments, there may be valuable insights or lessons that ultimately lead to a positive outcome or new perspective. Ever been doing something that at the time seemed awful, but then later, looking back, you viewed as a good experience or not such a bad time? I believe this phrase of the darkness showing is the light describes those experiences as well.
As the eternal optimist, the phrase “Don’t let hope become a memory” really resonates with me. It means to hold on to hope and never give up on it, never. It emphasizes the importance of keeping hope alive and actively working towards a better future, rather than letting it fade away and become a distant memory. We must have persistence, resilience, and belief in the possibility of positive change.
We Are All Human
I really enjoy the music by the band Shinedown. In fact I have been inspired to blog by their music before in Hope Is Not A Four Letter Word. Tonight as I was coming home from doing some leadership development work I heard one of Shinedown’s songs I really like, A Symptom of Being Human. Brent Smith from the band has talked about the song being a tribute to the uniqueness of all of us. I love that the song’s lyrics contain phrases like “coloring outside the lines” and “You’ve always been slightly awkward, kinda weird.” That describes many of us and our “symptom of being human.” I’ve always said we are all a little weird in our own ways – wonderfully weird. We are all human – every one of us. The coolest symptom of being human is the unique greatness of each and every one of us.
There are lines in the song that also say, “Sometimes I’m in a room where I don’t belong;” and “’Til I got my invitation to the lunatic ball.” To me these speak to those ever present times when we are in situations where we just don’t fit in or can’t quite get assimilated. We need to remember we are all like this – remember we are all unique and have a purpose. We need to help and lift each other up and find ways for that uniqueness to help make the world a better place. Remember, “it’s all just a symptom of being human.”
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