Selfish Or Self-Centered
As C. S. Lewis put it in Surprised By Joy: The Shape Of My Early Life, “The distinction is not unimportant.” He was referring to the distinction between being selfish or being self-centered. He preferred being selfish over self-centered. In fact I believe he was really on to what we now talk about being self care. Being selfish and being self-centered are not interchangeable. Lewis discussed that to find joy we need to have some selfishness. We need to prioritize our own needs, desires, and interests. These are the things I talk about when discussing self-care. This includes setting up the boundaries in a working relationship. The self-centered leader wants us to give up our personal priorities to make themselves look good. Is it selfish to not take emails after 5:00? Probably, but probably good for your well-being and your family’s well-being. Does it mean you are selfish if you may have to give up some of the above and beyond things you do as a great school principal during the next year to spend time finishing your dissertation for your PhD? Yes, but there is no way that milestone in your life will be met otherwise. These are completely acceptable forms of selfishness.
Conversely, being self-centered means having an excessive focus on oneself, often accompanied by a lack of interest or concern for others. This is the person that always needs to be in the limelight. It involves being preoccupied with one’s own thoughts, concerns, and desires, disregarding the needs and perspectives of others. Lewis explained that the self-centered person can never find joy. A self-centered person wants to hear about themselves. This person will constantly steer conversations towards themselves or dominate social situations without regard for others’ interests or feelings. The self-centered person is also unwilling to share or compromise.
I’m glad that in Surprised By Joy: The Shape Of My Early Life C. S. Lewis caused me to contemplate this difference between being selfish and being self-centered. The selfish person can have a healthy focus on himself versus the self-centered person’s complete disregard for others’ well-being and perspectives. This distinction is not unimportant. We must care for ourselves and make sure we are prioritizing our own needs and desires.
Byron's Babbles 
Thank you! You literally spoke right to me n this blog. I am finalizing my dissertation this year and as an elementary principal, I often have guilt when trying to balance it all.
I may need to be selfish this year if I’m going to make the Ph.D. happen!
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I so appreciate your comment. The principal reference was about a principal I met with yesterday who is in the same situation as you. I was encouraging him to be selfish. Thanks for affirming! Now, get it done!
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[…] In fact I just blogged about our need to prioritize our own needs, desires, and interests in Selfish Or Self-Centered. I believe C. S. Lewis would have greatly appreciated the lyrics of this song. I know I […]
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