Looking At It Instead Of For It
I loved the phrase, “I went aggressive because I would rather be looking at it than for it” that Detective Martin Riggs (Clayne Crawford) made in an episode of the television series Lethal Weapon. He made the comment defending purchasing way more Chinese food selections for he and a colleague than they needed. I could relate because I tend to do things like that because I don’t want to run out or not have enough selections. In fact, I know I over-ordered on some supplies just this morning I need for a retreat I am facilitating in a couple of weeks. This gives me more control over the situation. I would rather be looking at a little extra in the end than needing to find more supplies at the last minute. An aggressive approach usually keeps us from having to scramble in the end.
Upon reflection I realize I usually take a more aggressive approach or action in order to address a problem or situation proactively, rather than waiting for it to become a bigger problem and having to deal with it later. It’s about putting in the effort on the front end, rather than having to expend more time and energy later on to fix it. We always need to be thinking of how to take a more proactive approach to problem-solving, instead of waiting until things become more pressing.
Conversation As A Series Of Interruptions
Recently, I heard conversation described as a series of interruptions. As I reflected on the comment, I realized it is true. That is why it is so important to actively listen and be adaptable and flexible in our communication styles. We also need to be open to unexpected changes in the conversation. Very rarely are conversations smooth and uninterrupted exchanges of ideas between two people or groups of people. Have you ever been in a conversation that has had frequent interruptions, whether intentional or unintentional, that disrupted the flow of conversation and cause communication breakdowns? I have people I talk to on the phone that this really happens a lot with. The other person is either trying to multitask with something that is noisy, begins talking to others, or their Bluetooth gets out of range of their phone. The interruptions can also take other forms, like side comments, digressive remarks, questions, or even silence.
We need to strive to not be the ones causing the interruptions mentioned above. But that certainly does not keep us from being in conversations like that. Even with the occasional interruption, or veering of topic (I’m known for that), conversations can still be productive and meaningful if participants are listening attentively and actively navigate the conversation effectively; staying focused on their goals for the conversation.
Enemies We Have Made
Grover Cleveland’s enemies ended up making him more successful and influential. Troy Senik did a great job of bringing this out in his great book, A Man of Iron. The Turbulent Life and Improbable Presidency of Grover Cleveland. In 1884 when Cleveland, our 22nd and 24th President, received the Democratic nomination for President one of the descriptions used by a convention speaker was, “But they love him most for the enemies that he has made.” This really got me thinking about the effect that our enemies have on us. We certainly don’t want to let our enemies define us, but we can let them make us stronger. As in Cleveland’s case, having enemies can also bring us admirers and supporters who appreciate our courage and conviction.
We’ve all probably had situations where taking a stance on something led to the creation of enemies. I know I can think of a few. Actually, quite a few. I’ve heard some say that if we are not making enemies we are not doing anything. We certainly cannot please everyone, nor should we try; because we won’t please anyone, including ourselves. When we stand up for what we believe in and take a stance on something, there will always be those who disagree with us or see us as a threat. Our enemies, however, can serve as proof of our integrity. We can then use the opportunity to showcase our character and values. Being a leader is not about being right or being liked. It is about getting it right and progress.
Rising Above The Noise
Yesterday I blogged from the inspiration of the great Limp Bizkit song My Way in The Leadership Fight. Today’s post was inspired by Through Fire and their great song, Lose it. This song from start to finish has a lot of lessons for us to think about, both individually, and as a global society. The first verse gave us a bunch to think about. Here it is: “I try to be the voice that rises up above the noise; In the madness, in the static; I try to hold it all together as it falls apart; We dismantle what we can’t handle; and We’re polarized from every side.” The phrases in this verse suggest a willingness to give up on something if it becomes too difficult or complicated to deal with, implying a lack of perseverance or commitment. We all need to be the voice that rises up above the noise. Relationships matter here. By building strong relationships with your audience members, you can create a loyal following that will help amplify your message and spread it to others.
The phrase “We dismantle what we can’t handle” could suggest a willingness to give up on something if it becomes too difficult or complicated to deal with, implying a lack of perseverance or commitment. With so much complexity, really we should say multiple complexities, out there today, situations and issues begin to feel overwhelming. Maybe instead of viewing dismantling from a negative viewpoint, we need to consider taking on the challenge that seems too difficult to overcome or manage and breaking it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. With those manageable pieces, we need leaders who can define the priorities. Along with this prioritization, we must decide what not to do along with what to do. Great leaders make sure their radar extends out across all the ecosystems in which they operate. If we all work together, we can hold it together.
The Leadership Fight
While doing some work in the barn on this super beautiful day today, I had the Sirius XM blaring. When the great Limp Bizkit song My Way came on, the phrase, “You think you’re special, you do; I can see it in your eyes; I can see it when you laugh at me; Look down on me and walk around on me; and Just one more fight about your leadership.” I thought about how so many others have had these kinds of thoughts about another person’s ability to lead or manage a particular situation or group. Sometimes disagreements over decision-making, communication, or other leadership qualities lead to this kind of blow up.
Do you have those that could be using the phrase, “Just one more fight about your leadership” about you? Are there changes that could be made to make the situation better? Or, is there ongoing discord or dissatisfaction with a leader you are working with and their methods? What would it take to make things right? Take a moment and reflect on the greatest leaders and leadership styles you have experienced. What made those experiences great? Could anything be applied to the current situation to eliminate the leadership fight?
Being More Present In The Present
I was listening to Indiana native and Princeton University’s head basketball coach, Mitch Henderson, after their 75-85 loss to Creighton University. He reflected and showed appreciation to his players for allow themselves to be coached. This really jumped out at me. To continually grow, evolve, and improve we must allow ourselves to be coached. But, let’s not forget that coaching is a collaborative process that requires open communication, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to growth and development. Henderson clearly earned his players trust, thus allowing them to be open to being coached. As leaders, it is our responsibility to build rapport, establish clear boundaries and expectations, and create a sense of partnership and collaboration with those we serve.
Relationships and teams are built in real-time. To become a team we must engage fully in the process and work together towards achieving their goals. It is also crucial that everyone involved, especially the leader/coach, be present. I loved what Princeton freshman forward Vernon Collins said, “He’s thankful for the past; but he’s more present in the present…” Did you catch why Collins said? “…he’s more present in the present.” Sometimes we let past history and success cloud our present situation. We need to be more present in the present.
Surprise Me
I am a huge believer in the cultivating of a collaborative and supportive work environment. The best leaders are the ones who give their teams autonomy and create a sense of ownership among their staff, instilling a greater sense of responsibility and empowering individuals to take ownership of their roles within the organization. Interestingly, this act of delegation is extremely hard for some leaders. It is tough for some to let go. When decision-making authority is given to those closest to where the data is created, it can lead to improved communication, as team members have the opportunity to have greater input and more direct interaction with each other when problem-solving. In “Empowerment Needs No Menus!” I said, “To empower someone, you have to help them feel proud of the good things they do. This is truly the essence of empowerment.” One of the best examples of this are great servers at restaurants. I first experienced this when going out to eat with my dear friend and leadership idol, David Marquet. He said, “Byron are you up for letting our server pick everything from our drinks to dessert?” I was all in and it was a wonderful experience. I now use this as a leadership exercise and it is interesting to see how everyone handles it.
This week I was in Washington D.C. for the National Association of State Boards of Education’s (NASBE) Legislative Conference and one of the highlights is always getting a group together for dinner. No surprise, I was left with the planning of where we would be going. I picked TruLuck’s Ocean’s Finest Seafood & Crab. Here’s the deal: on their website they tell you to “Escape the ordinary!” The great experience there allowed us to do just that. On their Twitter site they tell us, “Captivating ambiance and genuine Southern Hospitality – We believe small touches inspire lasting memories. Delight in dining again.” I’ve got to tell you, the small touches that our server Lulu brought to our group from Maine, Arkansas, New Jersey, Georgia, Indiana, Texas, Kansas, and present and past NASBE staff did inspire memories that will last us the rest of our lives. Needless to say, Lulu was fantastic.
Now, back to empowerment. It was clear that Lulu knew what she was doing. She knows the menu and every item on the menu; she knows how read every individual in a group; and she understands the right questions to ask to best meet the needs of her customers and create those small touches that inspire. This was so evident that one in our group, Renée Rybak Lang, NASBE’s Communication Director, empowered Lulu by saying, “Surprise me” when it was her turn to order- leaving her entire meal in Lulu’s hands. I loved it! Lulu was excited by this declaration of empowerment, asked Renée a couple of questions, like “How hungry are you?” and away she excitedly went. Remember, empowered team members feel that they are contributing to the growth and success of the organization. Lulu is a critical part of TruLuck’s success. And since I know you are wondering; yes, Renée loved her steak and lobster. Renée allowed Lulu to utilize her own creativity, knowledge of her menu, and the relationship she had built with the customer to choose a better meal for her than she might of chosen for herself. I’m sure Renée made Lulu feel proud of the great things she does. Additionally, TruLuck’s was able to deliver on their promise of escaping the ordinary, because of Lulu. What are you doing to foster a culture of empowerment and create a sense of ownership among team members?
Improving Our Time
I am reading the incredible book, A Man of Iron. The Turbulent Life and Improbable Presidency of Grover Cleveland by Troy Senik right now. I am confident there will be many blog posts prompted by this book. This post is about a comment Senik made early in the book as he was describing Cleveland’s journey as a child and young man. He wrote, “If we want to become great in our future lives we must improve our time in school.” He also said, “We must improve our time as children.” This observation that we must improve our time really jumped out at me. As father of a son who graduates from college this spring it has been awesome to watch him grow, develop, and improve. It has also been my job to not be a main character, that’s his role, but a side character in this journey. It has been such an honor to be a supporting actor in his journey. Funny, I hadn’t really thought of it, but my wife and I’s job has been to provide the experiences for him to improve. Additionally, my son has done a great job of improving his time.
Back to “We must improve our time as children.” Whether as parents or educators, we must improve time by helping children learn new skills, pursue their interests, and develop healthy habits, so that they can become well-rounded and successful individuals later on. Furthermore, we need to focus on our education, social skills, and emotional growth during the formative years so that children can face the challenges of adulthood with confidence and resilience. Bottom-line: the time spent during childhood has an important impact on our future. Every path matters – so we have an obligation to do everything we can to help our our children navigate, both with guidance and providing experiences as supporting actors.
Keeping Our Minds Wide
In season nine (2021), episode 174 of Chicago PD, Sergeant Hank Voight (Jason Beghe) said, “Let’s keep our minds wide” to the team. I loved this phrase. I believe he was telling the team to be receptive to lots of ideas, possible scenarios, arguments, data, evidence, and information. When we do this we become able to understand different patterns, ideas, and ways of thinking. It’s about expanding our worldview and listening. This reminds me of another old show I love to watch, Columbo. I even blogged about Columba’s ability to listen and expand his worldview in Listen and Look, Look and Listen. In that post I said that the term “look” means to direct your eyes in a certain direction. Then, “listen” means to pay attention to someone or something in order to hear what is being said, or sometimes what is not being said. “Listen” and “look” are actions usually thought of when we are paying attention.
Additionally, this is about expanding our thinking. The best I have witnessed at keeping their minds wide are able to think across multiple dimensions. They can use their past experiences to help bring clarity to the present. Furthermore, keeping our minds wide lets us think more strategically and understand the larger context of the situation. Finally, it is also about being open to the fact that our own ideas might not be right; or at least not entirely correct. This brings to mind a panoramic view, where I can see a lot of landscape or content in one picture.
Everyone Changes Everyone
I love the television show Chicago PD. Lots of twists and turns that make me think. I was watching season nine (2021), episode 173 last night and this interaction took place: FBI Agent Walker North (Alex Morf): “You know, I looked into your unit for months. Looked at every member, looked at you. I was so sure that you were the one. Kid from a rough home, mother he had to take care of who died a brutal death from cancer Decade in an army, multiple commendations for this job. I thought you’d be the one person, the one who knew exactly who he was, the one Voight wouldn’t be able to corrupt. I honestly didn’t think he could change you.”
Detective Jay Halstead (Jesse Lee Soffer): “Everyone changes everyone.”
North: “No, not if you don’t let them.”
Halstead: “So your brother didn’t change you?” The phrase “Everyone changes everyone” really jumped out at me. Sometimes we encounter people very briefly and others for longer periods of time and much more intimately. All, in some way, have an impact on us.
The relationships we form with others have the power to shape who we are and who we become. Others’ actions, words, or simple presence, can change the way we think, feel, and behave. And we have that same effect on those we encounter. This is why we need to value the encounters we have with others, but also recognize that those we come in contact with can have a negative effect on us. Who we hang out with matters. Take a moment and reflect on those that have had the biggest impact on your life so far and how have they have changed you.
Byron's Babbles 
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