Knitting Relationships
Relationships have always mattered. This past week I was complimenting a school team I work with and the superintendent said, “Well, it always comes back to the relationships we’ve built and are building.” Those are such true words and a reminder that building relationships is a top of the list item for us to always be working on. I am reading Book 2 of Threads West An American Saga: Maps of Fate by the award winning historical fiction author Reid Lance Rosenthal. In this book the wagon master told the group he was leading west that, “groups where everyone gets to know each other are more likely to cover each other’s back.” That covering of each other’s backs was pretty important during the 1850’s migration westward. But, it is just as important today as we navigate through the 21st century.
Great relationships bring with them an implicit trust that increases the opportunity for collaboration and cooperation. These relationships many times turn into intelligence communities that could potentially solve the world’s most complex problems. What I really believe the superintendent above was saying was that the people around us help us make better decisions. We in turn, can also help them make better decisions. Now, back to the wagon train. I can’t imagine taking that several month journey westward. But, I really can’t imagine taking it without the building of relationships. Really, that is one of the great things that Rosenthal brings out. People of uncommon origins form bonds and relationships that weave together to explore and innovate in an unknown land. It really is, as Rosenthal told me when I visited with him last month, “Our story.” Actually, getting to know Rosenthal has made reading the books even more meaningful. I got to know him and about his motivation for writing the books. Again, relationships matter!
I’ve heard it said that we are “human beings” not “human resources.” So true! As I read about the knitting (🧶 pun intended) of relationships, I am reminded of how every relationship, good or bad, matters. As I read about some of the relationships I kept yelling, “Get away from them!” And for others I would say, “Get closer.” Reid was right; this is our story. We need to lean into those strong relationships and get away from those that are bringing us down. Happy knitting!
The Apology Bridge
Apologies are about accountability. Because relationships are the key to everything it is important to, “Choose the relationship over being right” (p. 129). Randy Conley told us it is about playing the long game. He said, “All relationships have conflict. Use wisdom to discern when it’s better to apologize, even if your in the right, for the sake of preserving the long-term health of the relationship” (p. 129). All these thoughts were in Simple Truth #50, “Apologizing Is Not Necessarily An Admission Of Guilt, But It Is An Admission Of Responsibility” in the great book Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways To Be A Servant Leader and Build Trust, Making Common Sense Common Practice, Ken Blanchardand Randy Conley.
As I stated at the beginning, apologies are all about being accountable, apologies meet the moment, and apologies can transform our relationships. Apologies are an opportunity for us to take clear and direct responsibility for our wrongdoing without evading, blaming, making excuses, or dredging up offenses from the past. Psychologist Harriet Lerner advised that most apologies completely miss the mark. Lerner said, “When the apology is absent or it’s a bad apology, it puts a crack in the very foundation of a relationship and can even end it.” Let’s let apologies be a bridge of communication and accountability for our relationships.
Who Are You?
Our purpose goes much deeper than our job. Sometimes we need little reminders of this. Last night I was watching a new episode of The Neighborhood. In this great sitcom Cedric the Entertainer stars as Calvin Butler, who owns Calvin’s Pit Stop – an auto repair shop. In this episode he is offered a huge sum of money to buy his business. He continues to say he will not sell his business stating he would be nobody without his business. His wife, Tina, played by Tichina Arnold, explained, “Baby [Calvin], that shop does not define you; you define that shop.” So many times we get caught up associating self-worth in conjunction with a job. Tina was reminding Calvin that his identity should be defined by what he loved, what he dreamed of, what he valued, and who he cherished. We should heed this reminder as well.
We are doing ourselves, and others, an injustice if we only define ourselves by our jobs. Our mission here are on this earth is so much more. We have lives of others to touch and impact. Our relationships will serve as our identity more than our careers. When other people reflect or remember us, the thought of our careers might come up, but our personality, character, and how we inspired or impacted them will resonate more. Our identity should be, and is really defined by what we love, what we dream of, our core values, and who we cherish. Who are you?
An Apology Is Ownership
An apology is ownership. When reflecting on the people I respect most, they are the ones that have no trouble saying “I was wrong,” or “I’m sorry I…” When we apologize, we are putting honesty and honor above personal comfort or self-protection. It requires a great deal of courage. Since everyone makes mistakes, it gives us legitimacy to admit to and own our mistakes. Great leaders model the behavior of admitting mistakes. It can, and does, build a community of trust.
Apologizing when trust has been broken is particularly important. This was the topic in Simple Truth #49, “A Successful Apology Is Essential In Rebuilding Trust” in the great book Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways To Be A Servant Leader and Build Trust, Making Common Sense Common Practice, Ken Blanchardand Randy Conley. We were told by Conley that, “Delivering a successful apology is essential to rebuilding trust that’s been eroded” (p. 127). Additionally, I appreciated Randy Conley’s reminder that we must make a commitment to not repeating the behavior. He said, “An apology is only as effective as your attempt not to repeat the actions that eroded the trust in the first place” (p. 127). This is about follow through. If we don’t attempt to change the behavior people question not only our courage, but also our trustworthiness.
Leading Like The DC League of Super-Pets
This past week I worked in Las Vegas, Nevada and on my flight out there I watched the animated adventure centered around the pets of DC superheroes, DC League of Super-Pets. I loved it! The movie is chocked full of leadership lessons, lessons about friendship, and learning to rely on others. Every one of the pets has a story. Also, the relationship of the pet to the superhero has a story. This alone is important to note. As leaders we must understand our own story and well as the stories of those we serve. Additionally, it always comes down to relationships.
No leader works alone. They have teams, friends, and those in the organizations they serve. During my work this week I was reminded that everyone I have ever worked with has played a significant role in my success. In the movie, I was reminded of this by Batman (Keanu Reeves) refusing the to adopt Ace (Kevin Hart) from the shelter. His reasoning was that Batman works alone. Ace was the only shelter pet to work with Krypto (Superman’s dog played by Dwayne Johnson) that had not found a match with a Justice League member. In the end, Batman realized he had never really worked alone. Nothing really great has ever happened by someone working alone. We all have teams, friends, and supporters. We must nurture those relationships.
Batman also made another astute observation in the movie. He told Lex Luthor (Marc Maron), who was hoping to gain superpowers, that superpowers were overrated. How many times have you looked at the skills or talents of others with envy, or even as if they have superpowers. We don’t need what others have. We need what we have. We need to keep becoming the best “me” we can become! We don’t need to look outside for superpowers, we already have those powers within.
Leading With Impact
In his great book, This Is Day One: A Practical Guide To Leadership That Matters, Drew Dudley told us to create a pledge to create experiences that make others feel good about engaging with you. To do this he explained we need to pick a value. An example would be “impact.” You can define impact as “a commitment to creating experiences that make others feel better after interacting with me.” I love this value you and try really hard to practice it daily by asking myself a question like, “What have I done today to recognize someone else’s leadership?” Sometimes our light shines better by reflecting the light of others.
Last night I experienced this first hand by someone else’s living being impactful. Jason Ferreira sat down beside me last night at a dinner we were having for National FFA Teacher Ambassadors and said, “I have something I want to tell you. Not a day goes by that I do not use what I have learned about facilitating in my own classroom, facilitating for teachers, or helping others improve their facilitation.” He went on to say that he keeps many of the objects I use for facilitating on hand, like toys and Big Feelings Pineapples. Then, Jason said, “I wanted to tell you that I’m person because it makes me better to reflect on this and tell you thank you and how much you impact me every day.” I’ve got to tell you that this recognition of my leadership felt really good.
This wasn’t an ego thing. Quite the opposite. It was an affirmation that the teaching I am doing for National FFA Teacher Ambassadors is having a impact. It motivated and inspired me to want to work even harder serving the Ambassadors I love so much. Jason showed me a living example of having a daily “impact” – he made me a better person by his interaction with me and he recognized my leadership. I am grateful for Jason being an example and what he does to impact students lives and the lives of others every day.
Trust Is Not A Place
Here we are in week 48 of 2022 and I am reading Simple Truth #48, “Building Trust Is A Journey, Not A Destination” in the great book Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways To Be A Servant Leader and Build Trust, Making Common Sense Common Practice, Ken Blanchard and Randy Conley this morning. Trust being viewed as a journey and not a destination is in line with what I wrote in Trust Is A Verb. In that post I quoted Michael Fullan, who argued that “trust is a verb before it becomes a state.” In that post I discussed that trust becomes part of the community culture in real time. Furthermore, trust is an action. When a leader is an active participant and becomes part of the group, accountability becomes a shared norm instead of something imposed from above. Randy Conley told us, “The truth is that building and keeping trust is a journey, an ongoing process of demonstrating trustworthiness.” Again, trust happens in real time.
Just like with any journey, wrong turns can be taken and trust lost. If we have done something to lose others’ trust, Conley advises to acknowledge, apologize, and act. We are reminded that “…it may take some time to fully restore trust in a relationship – but it can be done.” He went on, “Remember, building trust is a lifelong journey. There is no final destination.” In any team or organization trust is critical. In this ever more transparent world we need to be embracing the journey using our ability, integrity and benevolence to build trust.
Leading Like A Safari
Yesterday I wrote Leading Like Giraffe after visiting Tennessee Safari Park in Alamo, Tennessee. The visit also made me think about how organizations are much like a safari. A safari is a journey. Really, aren’t all organizations on a journey? Safari’s typically provide revenue for local conservation projects and game parks, helping to protect habitats and wildlife, rather than taking them out. Safari’s also play an important role in creating awareness about wildlife conservation, as well as benefiting local communities. Huh, sounds like what responsible leaders, organizations, and businesses do. A modern safari is a socially responsible journey. So should leading an organization.
The more I looked into the safari, organizational, and corporate worlds, and then the routines, rules and ways of communication, the more I realized how beneficial it would be if the organizational/corporate world could learn from nature. For one thing, nature never wastes. Also, the areas of personal development of leadership and teamwork skills, and social responsibility are opportunities we must not miss. Let’s all make sure we are taking our leadership journeys seriously and leaving the world in a better place than we found it.
Leading Like Giraffe
Yesterday we might have just started a new family tradition for the Friday after Thanksgiving. For the second year in a row we are spending Thanksgiving weekend with our son’s girlfriend’s family in Medina, Tennessee. We love her family and have an incredible time. Yesterday, we went to the Tennessee Safari Park in Alamo, Tennessee. It was awesome! We laughed so much, learned so much, and had so much fun. My son said, “We need to do this every year on the Friday after Thanksgiving.” Tomorrow, I’ll have another post about the safari, but for now just know this drive-through safari with an additional walk-through park is very well done. This post is about my experience with the giraffe in the walk-through park. We had already experienced two giraffe in the drive-through portion of the experience and was just amazed by their height and how majestic they are. Then, in the walk-through zoo, I got to pet and feed one carrots (see featured picture). I fell in love! So, you know me, I started to do some research.
First of all, these majestic and beautiful gentle giants are basically mute. They make no whinnies, growls, trumpets or howls. Maybe the occasional snort. Now, there is a great leadership trait – no talking! Leading by action and doing. excellent vision. Giraffe eyes are among the largest of land mammals. A giraffe sees in color and over great distances in front of them and has such a great peripheral vision they can see behind themselves as well. Just like the best teacher leaders I know! Their exceptional vision enables them to scan and to keep track of each other. Are you seeing this connection to leadership come together?
Growing to between 13 and 18 feet tall, giraffes are the tallest animals on earth. They have an elevated vision (I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming). Therefore giraffes have a terrific field of vision for seeing what’s ahead – food, obstacles, or dangers. In fact, I learned that zebras, deer, and wildebeests (all of which we saw and fed out of our little white buckets), often congregate near giraffes to take advantage of their ability to see and move toward food and away from predators. Huh, isn’t this what we appreciate about great leaders and makes us want to follow their influence. As leaders we need to strive to be like giraffes and identify opportunities, see dangers in advance and, in turn, take action accordingly. We need, at times, to be able to take views from 30,000 and 10,000 feet.
While the giraffe, with their elevated vision, are great at seeing potential threats, they are also willing to take on dangerous predators. Giraffes have the ability to kick and deliver deadly blows to the would-be predator. Also, giraffes have ossicones which are comparable to horns or antlers that allow them to use their head like a hammer. Isn’t that another thing great leaders do? Not the deadly blow part, of course, but be proactive in identifying and resolving issues before they become detrimental to the organization, group, or community. Because of the elevated vision, great leaders can respond instead of always reacting when unexpected dangers do arise. Like giraffes, great leaders do not hesitate to take effective action.
Just like giraffes stand tall, we all should find our natural attributes and use them. Every giraffe is unique. No two giraffe have the same coat pattern. Just like each of us have our own characteristics that make us incredible, and make the team incredible when all those characteristics come together. Are you leading like a giraffe?
The Journey Is Taking You
Yesterday in my Thanksgiving social media post I said, “I’m thankful for all the organizations, companies, schools, universities, teachers, & other leaders I get to help every day! Thanks for allowing me to be on a journey with you. If you’re in need of creative &collaborate help, let me know at byronernest.com.” I had a person tell me they really liked the sentence, “Thanks for allowing me to be on a journey with you.” I really do try to approach the work I do for clients as “helping” and being on a journey with them. Most times we are not taking the journey; the journey is taking us. In other words, doing the work is what makes me happy. Helping others reach the milestones on their journeys allows me to take part in some pretty amazing journeys as well. It is about putting in the work, playing, and discovering.
“Lots of people want to be the noun without doing the verb. They want the job title without the work. Let go of the thing that you’re trying to be (the noun), and focus on the actual work you need to be doing (the verb).” ~ Austin Kleon
If we plan out all of our own journey, it becomes about us and not about those we serve. As Austin Kleon told us (see inset quote), we need to be “verbs” and focus on the work, not “nouns”just focusing on what we want to be and where we want to go. When we allow ourselves to let the journey take us, we can experience the goals being benchmarks along the way with the journey itself being the richest part. In other words, take the journey! Do! As I said earlier in this post, put in the work, play, discover. No amount of goal-setting or planning can control where a journey can take us. This is a good thing. We simply never know where the journey will take us. Do the work and be a verb and enjoy the journey.
Byron's Babbles 
leave a comment