Would I Have Done The Same Thing?
Back in November, at ExcelinEd’s National Summit on Education, Angela Duckworth told us we should all either read for the first time or reread Viktor Frankl’s seminal book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Because I always do as I’m told (you can laugh now), I am reading it now. Frankl’s work is a profound memoir and psychological exploration that recounts his experiences as a Holocaust survivor. The book emphasizes the importance of finding purpose in life, even amidst suffering and adversity. Man’s Search for Meaning remains a powerful testament to human resilience and the transformative power of purpose.
I have taken a lot of notes already and am only about half way through the book. As I was reflecting on my notes, I continued to be moved by the statement Frankl made, “No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same” (p. 48). These are pretty good words to live by. It doesn’t necessarily make what happened right, but it certainly helps give some context. Frankl provided us with an important life lesson with this statement on the importance of humility, empathy, and understanding in judging others.
The statement reminds us that we should be cautious before condemning or judging someone’s actions, especially in extreme circumstances. Instead, we should reflect on our own potential responses in similar situations, recognizing that humans are complex and capable of a range of behaviors depending on circumstances. It also reminded me of the Bible verse in Matthew 7: 1-2, NIV: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Continuing in chapter seven, Jesus called us hypocrites for noticing in others what we fail to notice in ourselves.
Ultimately, asking ourselves if we might have done the same thing in a given situation fosters compassion, encourages non-judgmental empathy, and promotes a deeper appreciation for the resilience and moral dilemmas faced by individuals facing unimaginable hardships. It underscores the idea that true understanding comes from self-awareness and honest reflection.
Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, & Florence Nightingale: Their Similarities and Their Differences
Today I had the opportunity to dig deeper into the life of Florence Nightingale. I flew into London, England this morning for my Scholar in Residence program with the C. S. Lewis Foundation at the C. S. Lewis Study Centre at The Kilns. Before heading to Oxford, I spent time at the Florence Nightingale Museum. My interest in studying more about Florence Nightingale was inspired by the Audible Original Wild Swan: A Story of Florence Nightingale by Patti Callahan Henry. I already blogged about this once in Dreaming of Being Truly Useful.
There was an artifact in the museum that really jumped out at me. The postcard featured Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Florence Nightingale together that an artist had rendered. The museum provided two thought provoking prompt questions that I will provide some thoughts on:
1. Why do you think the artist chose to draw all three women together on the same postcard?
I believe the artist wanted to highlight the impact these women had on society and their respective fields. Each of them made significant contributions in their own ways and brought attention to important social issues. By depicting them together in a painting, an artist could be emphasizing the power of their collective influence and the lasting legacy they left behind.
An additional reason could be to celebrate these women as icons of compassion, kindness, and service. Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Florence Nightingale are all known for their selfless dedication to helping others and making a positive difference in people’s lives. Drawing them together could serve as a symbol of inspiration and remind viewers of the importance of empathy and generosity.
2. What are their similarities and differences?
First, they were all extraordinary women who left a significant impact on society through their work and contributions.
Secondly, they dedicated their lives to helping others and making the world a better place. Princess Diana was known for her charity work, especially in the areas of HIV/AIDS awareness and landmine removal. Mother Teresa was a renowned humanitarian and the founder of the Missionaries of Charity, an organization that provides care for the sick and needy. Florence Nightingale was a nurse who revolutionized healthcare practices during the Crimean War and is considered the founder of modern nursing.
Finally, all three women faced challenges and overcame obstacles in their personal lives. Their resilience and determination made them even more inspiring figures.
Overall, these remarkable women shared a commitment to service and compassion that continues to inspire people around the world.
Conversely, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Florence Nightingale were different in several ways. Princess Diana, also known as Princess Diana of Wales, was a member of the British royal family. She gained worldwide recognition for her philanthropic work focused on issues such as HIV/AIDS awareness, landmines, mental health, and children’s hospitals. Princess Diana was known for her charm, grace, and sense of style. She used her platform to raise awareness about various causes and brought attention to those in need.
Mother Teresa, also known as Saint Teresa of Calcutta, was an Albanian-Indian Roman Catholic nun and missionary. She dedicated her life to serving the poor and destitute in India. Mother Teresa founded the Missionaries of Charity, a religious organization that provides humanitarian aid and runs homes for people with leprosy, tuberculosis, and HIV/AIDS. She received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 for her charitable work.
Florence Nightingale, on the other hand, was an English social reformer and the founder of modern nursing. She became famous for her pioneering work in nursing during the Crimean War. Nightingale elevated nursing to a respected profession and emphasized the importance of hygiene and sanitation in healthcare. Her efforts significantly improved patient care and laid the foundation for modern nursing practices.
While all three women were admired for their compassion and dedication to helping others, they made a difference in different areas and had unique contributions to society.
We Don’t Have To Lose
The iconic band Linkin Park has a song, “Fighting Myself”, that really got me thinking. The lyrics in the song say, “Fighting myself, I always lose.” It seems that many times when we try to overcome our own inner struggles or battles, we end up fighting ourselves. Then we often end up being defeated or unsuccessful. We need to cultivate the self-discipline of not fighting ourselves and keep pushing through obstacles. We also need to help cultivate this in those we serve. Providing a psychologically safe place, empathy, and compassion can go a long way.
It’s hard to not fight with ourselves. Sometimes, through self-reflection, self-awareness, and seeking support, we can overcome and find solutions to our inner struggles. It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Ultimately, it’s about finding healthy ways to confront, understand, and address our inner challenges.
Learning Compassionate Accountability
Compassionate Accountability: How Leaders Build Connection and Get Results by Nate Regier
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
In the leadership development work I do, we talk about empathy not being enough. For empathy to work there must be action. That action is compassion. In this book we learn that compassion is a leadership skill we can learn and improve. Most importantly, we learn, “compassion without accountability gets you nowhere, and accountability without compassion gets you alienated.” This book gives us a plan for honing our skills in compassionate accountability.
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Our Best & Our Worst
“What makes you best at your job also makes you the worst at your job.” ~ Sergeant Hank Voight (Jason Beghe) to Detective Hailey Upton (Tracy Spiridakos) on Chicago P.D. I love Chicago P.D. and statements like that make me love it more. This statement was after Hailey had gone against Voight’s orders while in search of a murderer who had kidnapped a little girl. Hailey is a lot like Voight in that she is very good at her job and sometimes blurs the lines. But blurring those lines kept the little girl alive. Hailey was particularly passionate about this case because it reminded her of being abused as a child.
The thing I love about Voight as a character is the relationship he develops with those on his Intelligence Unit. Also, how he serves as a father figure. He always knows when to have a conversation, who to have the conversation with, and what to say. He even tells them: “It’s my job to protect you.” I am certainly not condoning all he does on the show, but I can say there are things to learn. He cares, he listens, he wants the entire teams’ input, and he really knows how to spot talent and develop it. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced a real leader do it this well. I had a principal once during my teaching career who came close and I can tell you it was amazing. I was blessed to have that role model and have always strived to be like him.
Back to Voight’s comment: “What makes you best at your job also makes you the worst at your job.” In this case he was making sure Hailey understood to not let her passion for something take her over completely. Hailey had been so empathetic and compassionate that she was forgetting the boundaries. We must be conscious of what the situation requires rather than what our strengths are. If we are in a group of people focused on the details and the risks, the most valuable perspective we could bring is the opposite perspective. Sometimes we need to bring what is lacking to the table, not more of the same. We need to be flexible and bring a higher perspective.
Another thing you will see if you watch Voight closely is how he picks pairs to go out into certain situations or question people. Voight understands that having the right people isn’t enough. Sometimes you can have the right people yet have the wrong strengths to be effective or make good decisions. Great leaders not only play to their own strengths, but play to the strengths of others. Let’s not forget that every strength or virtue we have is kind of our own personal super power, and like any kind of power, can be distorted or overused.
Going Platinum
Last week I had the opportunity to lead a session at our Principal’s Academy. My topic was “Professional Capacity of School Personnel.” Building the capacity of others is a passion area of mine. As a believer in intent-based leadership I love telling the story of creating a leader-leader instead of leader-follower community. I learned this from former United States Navy Captain David Marquet, who also taught me that we should build relationships such to understand how others want to be treated and understand their needs.
In Leadership Is Language Marquet taught us that we need to change the way we communicate. We need to drop the prehistoric language of command and control and learning the language of creativity, collaboration, and commitment. When building the capacity of our teams, how we communicate matters.
This session I brought in some other content that I was introduced to by my friend Maya Hu-Chan, author of Saving Face. She introduced me to the “Platinum Rule.” The “Platinum Rule” is the brain-child of Dr. Tony Alessandra and goes like this: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” Brilliant! Ever since being introduced to this I have been sharing with as many as I can.
What a difference. The Platinum Rule accommodates the feelings of others. The focus of relationships shifts from “this is what I want, so I’ll give everyone the same thing” to “let me first understand what they want and then I’ll give it to them.” This brings empathy and compassion to a new level.
This really resonated with the group and they spent time discussing how to implement this into their daily work as a principal and leader of learning. I was so thrilled to get this message in a thank you email today: “Some even shouted out your presentation in their follow-up feedback. When asked “What is the most important thing you will take away from today?” One wrote “Strategies to get into the classroom – a great perspective from one of the presenters, ‘treat teachers the way they want to be treated.'” You never know what will resonate with participants, but I am thrilled that others are now treating others the way they want to be treated. Let’s all go platinum!
The Leadership Tornado
This week I got to witness one of nature’s fascinating events – a “Canada Goose tornado.” Yes. That’s what it is called! I first heard the noise of hundreds of Canada Geese honking a mile overhead, then I saw it – what looked like a large tornado in the sky, ever changing and in constant motion, but hovering in one place. Then every few moments a group of 20-25 would break off and head south in their famous “v” pattern. This went on for probably 10-15 minutes until every goose became a part of a group. The sheer noise of the event was incredible. Geese are definitely communicators. The honking noises are called “contact calls” which help them stay together. It was quite an event and I tried to get a good picture, and have shared what I got as the featured picture of this post.
It’s always been interesting to me how successful geese are with no hierarchy. They mate for life and usually keep the family unit together returning to the same breeding ground each year. There’s no ‘leader’ for the entire migratory flock, they take it in turns, when one goose gets tired, it falls back and another moves in front. Are you catching this? Everyone is a leader. Everyone provides leadership at the right moment, when it is needed. When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies to the point position. They fly in “v”s as this creates the best uplift draft for each goose by being placed at the wingtip of the bird in front which minimises wind drag and thus saves energy. By flying in a “v” formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone. The reduced drag produced by the wing tip vortex of the bird in front can bring about a 50% energy savings.
It is also interesting to note that if a goose falls out of formation for any reason (gets sick or wounded) two geese drop out of formation and accompany it to help and protect. These two stay with it until it is able to fly again. When that day arrives the three will group up with another formation or catch up and join their original gaggle. It is amazing the example geese give us for empathy and compassion. They truly take care of each other. It would serve us well on this Thanksgiving Day to reflect on this.
Additionally, with our son home from college for Thanksgiving, it is good to have the migrating family unit back together – I’m thankful for that, today. I’m also thankful that I saw the “goose tornado” this week to remind me that leaders rotate, empower, delegate, and even step down when it’s in the best interest of the team. How often do we see this taking place among organizational leaders? The best teams are well trained and developed in order to achieve true empowerment. Is your “v” formation flying with energy saving efficiency?
Just Pay Attention
My wife and I just finished watching all seven seasons of The Mentalist. I love it when a show reminds us how important it is to continue to hone and develop our leadership skills. This television series is about Patrick Jane, played by Simon Baker, a man who at one time pretended to be a psychic. He made a lot of money doing this, but his arrogance as a fake psychic caused his family to be murdered. This caused him to stop pretending and begin a crusade of calling out the fact that there is no such thing as a psychic. Jane then went to work for the Californian Bureau of Investigation (CBI) and later in the series for the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), helping them solve murder cases.
What Patrick Jane did have, however, was very keen powers of observation and a lot of chutzpah. I know The Mentalist is just a television show, but it was amazing to watch as Patrick Jane explained what he knew about a suspect or a witness, just from observing or talking with them. The key was, he was using all his senses, literally. During the series we saw him use sight, smell, feel, hearing, and smell to understand. Body language, clothes, nervous habits, accents, the things a person surrounds themselves with – they all tell a story, if we really pay attention to what we see, smell, feel, hear, and taste.
Patrick Jane also questions things that seem to be out of place, uses his senses, and looks for what people value. Even more importantly, he empathizes. Jane has incredible emotional intelligence. He expands that emotional intelligence to include others – Patrick Jane communicates better by staying focused on the person he’s with, making eye contact, paying attention to nonverbal cues, watching how others are reacting as he is talking to someone else, and sometimes taking there hand or wrist to feel there pulse. In other words he is just paying attention, or as I call it, reading the room. Staying tuned in emotionally with people makes our ability to build and grow relationships even stronger.
“Today I am Wise So I Am Changing Myself”
I love studying the work of the great philosophers. As I was studying the work of William James while writing Open Your Mind To The Past & All Of This May Mean Something I came across another great philosopher I hadn’t thought about in a while, Rumi. Actually, I guess really he is considered a poet and scholar. His words of wisdom from the 13th Century have continued to stand the test of time. I’m also impressed with the global impact of his work.
“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.” ~ Rumi
My favorite Rumi quote is, “Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.” When I think about who I was 10, 20, 30, 40, or, well you get the idea, years ago I am now a very changed person. Early on I was all about changing the world as fast as I could. Now, I’ve learned and gained the wisdom to realize I need to keep evolving and changing myself so I can be best suited to contribute to the world today.
One of my favorite rock bands is Nothing More. They have a song, “Do You Really Want It?” that I use as a throughline for a leadership development session. There is a line in the song that is very impactful; it says, “Everybody wants to change the world; But one thing’s clear; No one ever wants to change themselves.” Spot on! I had the chance to have a long philosophical conversation on the bands tour bus a couple of years ago.
“Everybody wants to change the world; But one thing’s clear; No one ever wants to change themselves.” ~ Nothing More
Here’s the deal: changing ourselves doesn’t mean becoming a different person. It means improving ourselves to become a better person. If we’re doing it right we become self-aware, aware of others, develop a growth mindset, find meaning and purpose in our lives.
“All because we hate the buzzkill.” ~ Nothing More
We must learn to understand ourselves better. We must also develop empathy for others, authentically love ourselves, become values driven, and be authentic in all we do. Another line in the Nothing More song says, “All because we hate the buzzkill.” When I was visiting with their lead singer, Jonny Hawkins about this line he said we always get frustrated with all the people who are not authentic and talk a big change for the better talk, but are in it for themselves. He also stated these folks are really “virtue signaling”; just trying to say they are better than us. I wrote about this in Leading Without Virtue Signaling.” So, we need to better ourselves to be in a position to contribute positive change to the world. Rumi had it right!
Seeking Opportunities To Observe & Update Our 🌎Worldview🌍
We create our own beliefs, they don’t happen to us. We choose what and how we believe. As we grow up, we see the world and ourselves in a particular way. This “way” is based on environmental influences, our parents/families, and our peers. Whether we like it or not, we are responsible for developing our own belief system.
“To argue with someone else’s experience is futile. To add their experience to your own is possibly useful.”
One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is, “To argue with someone else’s experience is futile. To add their experience to your own is possibly useful.” To me this is what empathy is about – understanding how another person’s experiences have shaped them. If we take time to truly study the experiences of others, those experiences can help give us information free of confirmation bias.
One Machiavelli principle I prescribe to is that we should always “declare” what we believe. This does not, however, mean that those beliefs can’t evolve and change. Thus, why declaring is important. In fact, sometimes we must grapple with contradictory evidence. As our society becomes more and more global, we have more and more of our own experiences and the experiences of others to process. This contemplation of dealing with opposing views and possibly believing parts of both has always intrigued me. F. Scott Fitzgerald taught us, “The rest of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” I see this as an ability of great empathy, openness, humility, and leadership.
“It’s not what you don’t know that gets you into trouble, it’s what you know for sure that ain’t so.” ~ Mark Twain
This trait of openness was reinforced in an awesome book I’m reading right now, Creative Confidence: Unleashing The Creative Potential Within Us All by Tom Kelley and David Kelley. In the book we are taught that building on the ideas of others requires humility. We must first acknowledge to ourselves the we don’t have all the answers. The upside to this is that it takes the pressure off of us to know we don’t have to generate all the ideas on our own.
Mark Twain taught us that, “It’s not what you don’t know that gets you into trouble, it’s what you know for sure that ain’t so.” We need to be diligent to not be fooled by what we “know for sure” about ourselves, our customers, our students, those we serve, our communities, or the world. We must seek out opportunities to observe and update our worldview.
Byron's Babbles 
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