Byron's Babbles

I have another post inspired by Out of the Silent Planet by C. S. Lewis. I read this book while living at The Kilns this week as a Scholar in Residence. Dr. Debbie Higgens, Director of the C. S. Lewis Study Centre at The Kilns, handed me the book when I was first getting settled in after learning I had not read The Space Trilogy by C. S. Lewis that includes Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, and That Hideous Strength. At the time I wondered how this was going to fit the research work and writing I was doing about leadership, but I have to say it was an exciting guide to this week’s work. There have been so many phrases in the book that went right along with my studies. One such line in the book made me think about my overall pilgrimage to The Kilns. Here I was in a foreign country, by myself, in a house living with people I had never met until a few hours ago. A little scary, but glorious all the same. Then, in Out of the Silent Planet I read, “The tellers of tales in our world make us think that if there is any life beyond our own air, it is evil.” You ever thought about how true this is?

Our mythology has taught us that any life form, or anything outside of our own atmosphere would be bad or evil. Now, Neil Armstrong and company helped to subside this, but we still do this, even when thinking and speaking of of other countries. Before leaving to come here I had people asking me if I was nervous or scared to be living with people I did not know at The Kilns. This was curious to me – they are humans just like me – once I said “hello” they would not be strangers anymore. Just another reason why building relationships is so important. One of our challenges to inclusion is the myth of how different anywhere and anyone beyond our own air is. Not that everyone believes other places to be evil, but it is close to that in some instances. Our differences scare us when they should excite us.

I get there being an uneasiness when first meeting someone from a different country, but when truly getting to know them the uneasiness goes away very quickly. When arriving at The Kilns I literally put my bags in my room and was ushered to the dining room for tea. I had never done a formal tea before so I needed to be taught. My hosts were gracious in explaining things like how to put jam and clotted cream (in that order – trust me it is a big deal in the English air space) on my biscuit. It was a glorious time that I will never forget. In fact it is one of the highlights of my experience. I really got to know those I would be living with. My point is, I know people who that would have completely stressed out. Somewhere we have gotten wired in our systems just what Ransom said in Out of the Silent Planet, “The teller of tales in our own world make us think that if there is any life beyond our own air, it is evil.” I know he was referring to outer space in this book, but the “beyond our own air” can apply in some cases to the next neighborhood over.

We need to work hard to break this myth, particularly in our young people, by giving them experiences in others’ air. As adults we need to also take the opportunity to get in other human air space and get to know more of our fellow humans. Let’s get out there and experience life beyond our own air.

I am just about finished reading The Pilgrim’s Regress by C. S. Lewis. It is a fascinating book that has had me thinking and reflecting the entire time I have been reading it. Today while reading one of the characters, History, told John that the person who tries to learn to skate without falling down ends up falling down as much, or more, as anyone else learning to skate, but never really learns how to skate in the end. Genius, right? This goes right along with it being hard to win if you are playing not to lose. We must understand that falling is a part of skating, so we need to stop worrying so much about it happening and just skate.

No one wants to fall while skating and possibly get hurt, but the fact is, the more times we fall, the better we get at recovering, and the less painful it becomes. We need to focus more on what we want to happen, the successful outcome. No matter what we are learning to do, we need to visualize ourselves succeeding, over and over again. When learning skating, or anything new we need to be skating without pressure, without winning or losing. To learn to skate, or again do anything, we must get up after a fall. We can’t learn without falling sometimes – or often.

As C. S. Lewis put it in Surprised By Joy: The Shape Of My Early Life, “The distinction is not unimportant.” He was referring to the distinction between being selfish or being self-centered. He preferred being selfish over self-centered. In fact I believe he was really on to what we now talk about being self care. Being selfish and being self-centered are not interchangeable. Lewis discussed that to find joy we need to have some selfishness. We need to prioritize our own needs, desires, and interests. These are the things I talk about when discussing self-care. This includes setting up the boundaries in a working relationship. The self-centered leader wants us to give up our personal priorities to make themselves look good. Is it selfish to not take emails after 5:00? Probably, but probably good for your well-being and your family’s well-being. Does it mean you are selfish if you may have to give up some of the above and beyond things you do as a great school principal during the next year to spend time finishing your dissertation for your PhD? Yes, but there is no way that milestone in your life will be met otherwise. These are completely acceptable forms of selfishness.

Conversely, being self-centered means having an excessive focus on oneself, often accompanied by a lack of interest or concern for others. This is the person that always needs to be in the limelight. It involves being preoccupied with one’s own thoughts, concerns, and desires, disregarding the needs and perspectives of others. Lewis explained that the self-centered person can never find joy. A self-centered person wants to hear about themselves. This person will constantly steer conversations towards themselves or dominate social situations without regard for others’ interests or feelings. The self-centered person is also unwilling to share or compromise.

I’m glad that in Surprised By Joy: The Shape Of My Early Life C. S. Lewis caused me to contemplate this difference between being selfish and being self-centered. The selfish person can have a healthy focus on himself versus the self-centered person’s complete disregard for others’ well-being and perspectives. This distinction is not unimportant. We must care for ourselves and make sure we are prioritizing our own needs and desires.

In A Grief Observed, C. S. Lewis said, “Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.” This really jumped off the page at me. Lewis used the metaphor of easily believing a rope could support and save you until you actually needed the rope to support your weight – then doubt sets in. This was a reminder to me that in order to truly understand the validity or truthfulness of a belief, one must be willing to take risks and put that belief to the test. It suggests that simply believing something without any real-world experience or evidence is not enough to determine its truth. Only by facing the consequences of a belief can we truly evaluate the reality or accuracy of a belief.

Another thing I learned from Lewis in this book is that it is okay to question our beliefs. Ultimately, this can make our beliefs stronger. Lewis’ questioning of his own faith and beliefs at the time of losing his wife did not mean he was going to change his beliefs. This curiosity about our own beliefs can be healthy in helping us understand how we came to have a certain belief. It can also help us to understand others’ beliefs. By educating ourselves on issues we can better understand our our beliefs and the origins of those beliefs.