Byron's Babbles

I just finished reading Table for Two by Amor Towles and of course there was one more thing said in this awesome book that caused me to reflect. In the conclusion, Evelyn said, “Because, If we don’t stare down the things that make us want to look away, then the world is just a mirage.” This is one of those statements that really makes you think. It’s all about mirror neurons. These mirror neurons in our brain are what enable us to have comprehension of empathy and give compassion. They also make it possible for us to figuratively feel someone’s pain, so that also triggers a looking away response. So, the reality is, there are things that make us want to look away.

“We carry each other’s pain. We learn together, or we do not learn.” ~ Nora Bateson in Small Arcs of Larger Circles

As I reflect on the phrase, “Because, If we don’t stare down the things that make us want to look away, then the world is just a mirage,” I interpret it as emphasizing the importance of facing difficult and uncomfortable truths or challenges head on in order to truly understand and navigate the complexities of the world. So many times we are guilty of looking away and believing someone else will take care of it or the issue doesn’t affect us. Avoiding or ignoring uncomfortable realities, however, only leads to a distorted and superficial perception of reality, like a mirage that disappears upon closer inspection. The mirage is such a powerful metaphor here.

“Before all else we are of the ecosystems. ‘I’ will be different tomorrow. So will you, all of you, us, they.” ~ Nora Bateson in Small Arcs of Larger Circles

We are also reminded that effective leaders must have the courage and willingness to confront difficult issues head-on rather than turning a blind eye, in order make informed decisions and drive positive change. There will always be flaws in the world around us. One thing is for sure; the world is not a mirage. Our personal actions have an impact on everyone else and visa versa. We must not turn a blind eye, but stare down the flaws and look for solutions.

“Sometimes the door opens twice.” This phrase was said by Litsky in Table for Two by Amor Towles and got me thinking about the phrase we’ve all heard that my mom used to tell me: “When one door closes another one opens.” This phrase, when my mom said it, was not cliché. She really believed it and guess what? I believe it too. New opportunities do arise after failed dreams. Sometimes we create those opportunities, others sometimes intervene on our behalf, and other times we are in the right place at the right time.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” ~ Roman philosopher Seneca

I loved the phrase, “Sometimes the door opens twice” because we are so locked in to the mindset that opportunity knocks but once. We actually say it this way: “opportunity seldom knocks twice.” Many times we are offered an opportunity a second time or given a second chance. We can put ourselves in a position to have the door open twice. The second time the door opens may mean it is a good opportunity and that you should seriously consider it. A door opening for the second time may also signal the opportunity is important and that you should not let it pass you by. 

The only way to know is a door is right for you is to go through it. A door might open a second time so we can continue to work on a dream. Other times the open door might be leading to something that you never considered before. Let’s all make sure we are looking for open doors.

Another statement in Table for Two by Amor Towles gave me pause for thinking. In Finnegan it was said, “Every story has a moral, Doherty used to say, but most have more than two.” As I pondered this, I realized that while every story may have a lesson or moral to be learned, some stories may have multiple morals or lessons that can be taken away from them. This just highlights the complexity and depth of stories and the various ways in which they can be and understood. The moral(s) of the story enable us to visualize ideals. We need context as well as content. The best morals of stories are evocative and elicit emotion.

The leadership story of Abraham Lincoln is one such story with multiple morals. One moral that can be drawn from his leadership is perseverance in the face of adversity, as he overcame numerous challenges throughout his life. Another moral could be the importance of honesty and integrity, as Lincoln was known for his honesty and ethical behavior. Additionally, his ability to unite a divided nation serves as a moral of diplomacy and compromise in leadership.

Great stories convey multiple meanings and make complex ideas understandable. There is power in the story.

I continue to get a great deal of thought inspiration from reading Amor Towles’ great book, Table for Two. The latest point Eve made when speaking of Charlie was, “He was shifting from the life of doing to the life of remembering.” This really made me think about how we need to stay significant as we go through the different phases of life and reinvent ourselves. As a person who really never wants to retire I think about this a lot. In fact, I have blogged about this before in Significance: Impacting Outside Yourself. I am now in my seventh decade and I do a lot of remembering and using past experiences to inform new challenges. I DO NOT, however, want to stop doing. I just believe that “doing” looks different at different phases in our life. As we age and transition from a life of doing to a life of remembering, it’s important for leaders to focus on sharing their wisdom and knowledge with others.

One way to remain significant is through coaching and mentoring younger generations, writing books or articles, giving speeches, blogging, or even starting a podcast or YouTube channel to share their experiences and lessons learned. By staying engaged with the world and continuing to make a positive impact, leaders can remain significant and continue to inspire others.

I’ve got to admit, I am not a very big fan of lists, but I do make and use them. Particularly “to do” lists, so I don’t forget things I need to do. I did find it inspiring, however, when in Table for Two by Amor Towles’ Eve said, “A list is a celebration of things not yet done.” That was a great perspective. Really, we should see our to-do lists as being like a compass, helping us navigate through the sea of tasks.

Instead of focusing on what we haven’t done yet, we should see our list as a roadmap of exciting opportunities and experiences to look forward to. It can be a celebration of potential growth, learning, and new achievements waiting to be accomplished. Embracing the unknown can bring a sense of anticipation and motivation to accomplish new goals and dreams. Let’s celebrate all the great things we have yet to do.

It is interesting that the idea of a private retreat to disconnect from our hectic worlds and for intellectual activities remains the same as in the Renaissance period. This week while reading Amor Towles’ latest and incredible book, Table for Two, studiolos were discussed in relation to paintings and art work. I found that a studiolo is a small room used as a study private retreat, typically found in a Renaissance palace or mansion. It was described as a room of one’s own. Really the precursor to the den, office, study, woman cave, or man cave. It would seem we have always needed our space. These rooms were often decorated with artwork, books, and other items to inspire intellectual pursuits and creativity. They were used by scholars, artists, and nobility as a quiet space for reflection and contemplation.

Machiavelli described the studiolo to a friend, by writing:

“When evening comes, I return home and go into my study. On the threshold I strip off my muddy, sweaty workday clothes, and put on the robes of court and palace, and in this graver dress I enter the antique courts of the ancients and am welcomed by them. . . . Then I make bold to speak to them and ask the motives for their actions and they, in their humanity, reply to me. And for the space of four hours I forget the world, remember no vexations, fear poverty no more, tremble no more at death: I pass into their world.^”

Leonardo da Vinci, The Literary Works of Leonardo da Vinci, 1: 56, no. 23.

I have a space like this in my house. What I enjoy in it are all the little things that people have given me or that I have obtained while traveling that remind me of great friends, events, family, and places. Sometimes I catch myself looking at something and I am taken back to that place and my friends I have made there. For example, as I write this post I am looking up at a gift (see the featured image of this post) I was given while on my most recent international trip to Dubai. This piece means a lot to me because I went everyone on this plate with the individual who gave it to me. I love that Towles’ book, that I find to be all about relationships, reminded me how important keeping all our relationships front of mind is. I, for one, am bad about letting some of the people who I have been close to drift away when not in close proximity on a regular bases. I have gotten better, but need to continue to get better. The things in our studiolos can help as reminders of this.

As I stated earlier, the concept of a studiolo has evolved into modern home offices or personal libraries. People still create spaces in their homes for intellectual pursuits, creativity, and quiet reflection. Having a designated space for personal reflection and intellectual activities can be beneficial for mental health and productivity. It provides a sanctuary from the distractions of everyday life and allows for focused thinking and creativity. Having a studiolo or similar space can help us decompress, recharge, and enhance their overall well-being.