Byron's Babbles

“I’m not like them.” “They’re not like you.” (Charlie Jameson) This interaction in The Story She Left Behind by Patti Callahan Henry hit me like a ton of bricks. I ponder about this all the time as to why we believe everyone needs to fit into the same mold. It is so ingrained in us, however, that even someone like me who is aware of it still lets it happen. We see highlight reels of other people’s lives and suddenly believe we need to be like them. Rachel Pedersen, in her great book, Unfiltered, set us straight on this saying, “The truth is, nobody’s life can be fully represented by the highlight reel, so don’t waste time comparing yourself with one” (p. 46). See below for her complete thought on this.

“I wish I had known that most people are only showing you their highlight reel. When you look around at people on Instagram, TikTok, or YouTube, what you’re seeing is a carefully crafted and curated selection of their life. They’re generally not showing the blood, sweat, tears, pain, heartbreak, or days when they’re literally sitting in their closet crying because they’re worried about whether things will work out or fall apart. The truth is, nobody’s life can be fully represented by the highlight reel, so don’t waste time comparing yourself with one” (pp. 45-46). ~ Rachel Pedersen in Unfiltered

Rachel also told us, “Don’t try to be anyone else—be you” (p. 81). Which is why I go back to the quote I started with: “I’m not like them.” “They’re not like you.” This encourages us to embrace our individuality and recognize the uniqueness of others. It highlights the importance of accepting differences without judgment, fostering self-awareness and compassion. From this perspective, we learn that being ourselves involves understanding and valuing our own identity while appreciating that others are also on their own unique paths. It reminds us that genuine connection comes from authenticity and openness, rather than comparison or trying to fit into someone else’s mold.

We need to help others, young people and adults alike, to be comfortable not being like “them.” We need to continue to get better at respecting individual differences. To do this we must accept and understand that everyone is on their own journey and may have different ways of expressing themselves. Avoid comparisons or trying to “fix” them. This was the through line in The Story She Left Behind. Most people thought there was something wrong with Bronwyn Newcastle Fordham, a renowned author and Clara’s mother who disappeared when Clara was a child. In reality, Bronwyn was extremely gifted and creative and just did not fit the mold that we want everyone to fit into.

Helping others embrace their true selves often begins with creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment. We need to model authenticity by be ourselves openly and honestly. When others see us embracing our true selves, it encourages them to do the same.