Loved By Being Understood & Appreciated
A leadership topic I have spent a lot of time thinking about and researching is “love.” Love is one of the most important things leaders can give. We need to love the people we serve. C.S. Lewis described four types of love in his book The Four Loves: Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. For a leader, the love that fits best is often charity (agape).
Charity is selfless, unconditional love that seeks the well-being of others. A leader demonstrating this type of love prioritizes the needs of the team, fosters inclusivity, and encourages personal and professional growth without expecting anything in return.
Additionally, elements of affection can also be important, as it builds a sense of belonging and creates a supportive environment. Ultimately, a combination of these loves can create a strong, empathetic leadership style that inspires trust and loyalty among team members.
I have also always liked Ashley Montague‘s definition of love: “Profound involvement in the well-being of others.” Today, however, I might have found an even better way to think about and practice love. In Matt Haig’s great novel The Life Impossible, Grace Winters said that, “There is no point in being loved if you are not understood…And once loved and understood to be appreciated.” This is so profound. With this statement, Haig, in my opinion, was having Grace emphasize that love alone is not enough; it must be accompanied by a deep understanding of one another’s experiences, feelings, and beliefs.
This idea suggested that true connection comes from being truly seen and heard by others. It highlighted the significance of empathy and recognition within relationships—whether they be romantic, familial, or platonic. Being loved feels hollow if there is no comprehension of one’s individuality, strengths, struggles, or joys. Furthermore, appreciation serves as a necessary affirmation of that understanding, reinforcing bonds and fostering a sense of belonging.
I had never thought about a leader’s love for those we serve in this light. Haig’s message invites readers to reflect on their own relationships and the essential components that contribute to meaningful connections and loving those we serve. Think about it; we all want to be loved by being understood and appreciated.
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