Reading The Smoke Signals
This week I was having a conversation with a new friend and colleague who shared that at one point in her life those close to her were not reading the “smoke signals” she was sending. When they finally did, they were able to offer advice and support, but it had almost come too late. This really resonated with me. These smoke signals can work two ways – 1. we need to recognize and receive smoke signals; and, 2. we need to send smoke signals. As leaders, using emotional smoke signals involves being attuned to the emotions and needs of those we serve. This can include actively acknowledging others concerns, providing empathetic support, and creating a safe space for open communication. Again, we have a need to recognize these smoke signals and in addition we need to be sending these smoke signals for others. In my new friends case it had taken years for those in her life to see the smoke signals and give her the support and affirmation toward the feelings she was having that she needed. As leaders and friends we need to learn to recognize the alarm bells and reach out to those in need in soft and vulnerable ways, to be responsive and accessible.
By effectively interpreting and responding to the emotional cues (smoke signals), leaders can better understand the individuals they serve and provide the necessary support and guidance. Additionally, demonstrating empathy and compassion can help build trust and strengthen relationships within the organization. Smoke signals are such an apt metaphor as an ancient form of communication, symbolizing our attempts to reach out and connect, despite the emotional distance that may be between us.
These smoke signals also allow us to make sure that those we care about do not become anonymous. Every person represents a different dimension of diversity and we need to be creating an environment where each is able to bring a unique and valuable perspective. Our need for belonging is what drives us to long and stable relationships. I just did a training session on belonging this past week and I talked about how after our physiological and safety needs, belonging was next in the hierarchy. I believe belonging and reading the smoke signals go hand in hand here. Organizations where people can share their insecurities with their leaders will feel accepted, and team members whose leader is there to work with them through tough and touchy topics feel supported. All of this involves the sending and receiving of smoke signals.
If we want to develop our emotional fitness we must look for the information signals calling for action; or what I am calling “Smoke Signals” in this post. These smoke signals can be something we need to interpret or something we need to send. In this context, our emotions are not a place to which we’re consigned, but rather signals of valuable information on which to act. These signals allow for intentional action to serve our own best interests, as well as the best interest of those we serve.
I Like You Best When You Smile
We all know that simple gestures like smiling can have a big impact on others and brighten their day. I was reminded how different we look to others when we smile this week when I was having some professional photos done. When we were looking at the shots picking the ones the publisher wanted to use, the photographer said, “I like you best when you smile.” That really struck me and as I looked at the pictures, I like myself best when I smiled. Then as I continued to think about it I came to the conclusion that I like everyone best when they smile. That smile often signals that we appreciate and acknowledge the positivity that others bring into our lives. We should remember to compliment or acknowledge others’ smiles and the positive effect it has on us. Keep smiling!
Oh The Stories We Told!
Last night I had the opportunity to ponder the power of stories and sub-stories and the learning that occurs from them for young and old alike. I got into Washington D.C. last night for a board meeting and had the opportunity to go to one of my favorite restaurants with some friends. We went to Old Ebbitt Grill. Every year when I brought students here for National FFA’s Washington Leadership Conference, of which I always brought my son, Heath, from when he was six months old on up, we would eat at Old Ebbitt one evening. In fact last night I sent my son a picture of one of the bars in the restaurant with the question “Do you know where I am?” He immediately texted back, “The bar/restaurant that Teddy [Theodore Roosevelt] always went to right next to the White House.” He was spot on! We had sat in Old Ebbitt and talked about the President’s who had been there. In fact, on Old Ebbitt’s website it says, “…Presidents Ulysses S. Grant, Andrew Johnson, Grover Cleveland, Theodore Roosevelt and Warren Harding supposedly refreshed themselves at its stand-around bar.” My son and I used to sit and imagine the conversations based on what was going on in the country at the time. Those were some very real history, government, and civics lessons. Oh the conversations we had.
From a young boy on, my son has loved oysters. Old Ebbitt is known for their varied selection of fresh oysters (see photo for last evening’s list). Last night for my friends I modeled what Heath and I would do when picking oysters – we looked up where each of the oysters came from. Some of the places my friends had been to. Oh the stories that were told. In the end we tried four on the list based on places we had been. Again, oh the stories we told!
That’s the point of this post – the power and learning in the story. During the conversation last night with clanking dishes, loud laughter, a group singing happy birthday, and probably for others my loud voice in the background, one of my friends asked me why I had become so obsessed with C. S. Lewis. As you know, I just returned from spending a week at The Kilns. I told them I believe C. S. Lewis explained it best when he said, “What draws people to be friends is they see the same truth. They share it.” This quote is from the book “The Four Loves”. Lewis was telling us that true friendship is built on a foundation of shared beliefs, values, and understanding of the world. When people are able to connect on a deeper level and see things the same way, it creates a strong bond that can withstand test of time. Even though Lewis died the year I was born and coincidentally the same day as John F. Kennedy was assassinated, I feel a bond because of Lewis’s writing, storytelling and beliefs.
I was telling them that I am working through all the Chronicles of Narnia books right now in publication order and they are causing me to do a great deal of deep thinking and reflection. One of my friends piped up and said, “But those are children’s fairy tales.” Another friend yelled, “Well look who we’re talking to.” Touché! Seriously though, C. S. Lewis was the master at the skill of sub-creation. More about sub-creation in a minute. He created the fantastical world of Narnia, complete with its own mythology and history, which has captured the imaginations of readers for generations. Lewis’s ability to craft a rich and immersive fictional universe is a testament to his talent as a writer and his understanding of the power of myth and storytelling.
“Sub-creation” is a term coined by J.R.R. Tolkien, one of Lewis’s friends and member of the Inklings, to describe the act of creating fictional worlds or stories within a larger, pre-existing world. In Tolkien’s view, sub-creation is a form of artistic expression that allows individuals to tap into their creativity and imagination to produce new works that are inspired by or connected to existing mythologies or narratives. By engaging in sub-creation, artists and writers can contribute to the richness and depth of a fictional universe while also exploring themes and ideas that resonate with their own experiences and beliefs. It is a powerful form of creative expression that allows for endless possibilities and interpretations.
I believe this is why I have been so drawn to fictional work the last several years. It allows me to expand my thought beyond our preexisting narrow world. Lewis didn’t tell or right a story that didn’t draw us in to be a part of his world, whether fantastical, real, or visionary. What stories do you need to tell?
Leading At The Right Pace
I started reading C. S. Lewis’s third (in published order) Chronicles of Narnia book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, on my way home from my second England adventure to Oxford and The Kilns. As I read I was reflecting on how fast my study trip went. It was a little like when Susan, Lucy, Peter, Edmund, and now their cousin Eustace go to Narnia. It doesn’t matter how long they are in Narnia, when they return it is the same day and the same hour as when they left. My time went by quickly, and it seems like I just left, but I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to study yet another time in my own Narnia that had been just a place in books and stories, but made real by my being there. Now, like the children on Narnia, I am ready to go back.
In the fifth chapter, Eustace goes off by himself and gets lost and then says, “It is very unpleasant to have to go cautiously when there is a voice inside you saying all the time, “Hurry, hurry, hurry.” This is what I love about Lewis – the deep meaning and cause for thinking he artfully put in his work.
The lesson in that comment from Eustace is about the importance of balancing our inner desires for speed and urgency with the need to proceed cautiously and thoughtfully. Sometimes our impulsive urges can lead us astray, so it’s important to listen to that voice inside us that urges caution and patience. As a person whose modus operandi is “Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead” or “Let’s keep our foot on the gas,” this was a good piece for me to reflect on. It’s all about finding the right balance between moving quickly and taking necessary precautions.
The Greeks have a lot of idiomatic sayings about this slowing down. The most common one is probably “siga, siga” which when translated to English means “slow, slow.” Just like the pondering about balancing speed and caution in my previous paragraph, “siga siga” reminds us to proceed with care and deliberation rather than rushing into things impulsively. The reminder here, at least for me, is it’s all about finding the right pace and approach for each situation.
The Answer Is Always No Until You Ask
While flying from London to Boston today, I took a break from writing and watched the first three episodes of Tulsa King. How have I not watched this before now? It was incredible. Sylvester Stallone has always been a favorite of mine, but he is perfect for the role of Dwight “The General” Manfredi. In one of the three episodes he told his newly hired driver, or “associate” as he was called, Tyson Mitchell (Jay Will), that “The answer is always no until you ask.” Truer words were never spoken. We can’t get to a yes without an ask. Or, as I always say: “What’s the worst thing that can happen? I get told no.” But as we were clearly reminded here, without the ask the answer was for sure no.
Even if we get a no, it is better have asked and know the outcome rather than wonder “what if.” Plus asking for what you want can lead to opportunities and advancements that we might not have gotten otherwise. It’s all about taking initiative and not being afraid of rejection.
Another thing I thought of while watching was the power of asking “why not?” Ever made someone answer that when they told you no and then they don’t have an answer? Some people just always say no. Lesson here. What if we hold ourselves accountable to know exactly why an answer is no. And what if we give an authentic answer to the question.
Bottom line: go ahead and ask!
I Want Everyone To Know My Name!
We all know that knowing someone’s name and using it during interactions can create a more personalized and positive customer experience. This was also very important to me when I was teaching. Anyone who I have worked with as a facilitator will tell you that I take great pains to make sure I know names and most importantly pronounce them correctly. Pronouncing names correctly is a huge show of respect.
Knowing a person’s name shows that you are paying attention and acknowledging them as an individual, making them feel valued and appreciated. Using someone’s name can also help build rapport and establish a connection, leading to better communication and ultimately a stronger relationship.
I had this modeled for me perfectly this morning by my driver from Oxford to London Heathrow International Airport. We had a lively discussion on the one hour drive and it made me feel so engaged and valued as he continued to use my name. I was so engaged that I had him pronounce his name for me so I could reciprocate in kind. I have always been impressed with everything about Blacklane chauffeur service and always use them, when they are available where I am traveling. In my University of Oxford studies on professional service firms we discuss the customer experience at length and how important the human element is. Blacklane gets this and walks the walk.
As I write this I am reminded of the Cheers theme song (Where Everybody Knows Your Name):
Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to goWhere everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.
Making our way in today’s world does take a lot. I’m glad that Mubashir Hussain took the time to know my name. He enabled a sense of belonging during our short trip together. Is knowing and using names a key part of your customer experience?
We Have Had A Time
This afternoon I finished reading Prince Caspian, the second book published in the Chronicles of Narnia series in 1951. This was the C. S. Lewis book I chose to read while at The Kilns this week as part of my Visiting Scholar in Residence program. I already blogged about the book and why I picked it in The Path To Honor. The last lines in the book pull the entire story together perfectly: “Well!” said Peter. “We have had a time.” “Bother!” said Edmund. “I’ve left my new torch in Narnia.” Susan, Lucy, Peter, and Edmund had certainly had another adventure. Quite the time!
When Edmund says “I’ve left my new torch in Narnia,” he is referring to the fact that as a king of Narnia, he has gained courage, wisdom, and strength that will stay with him even after returning to the real world. Lewis used a great metaphor in the form of a torch to symbolize his growth and the lessons he learned during his, now two, times in Narnia.
We need to acknowledge the new torches we acquire on our own journeys in the form of experiences, new knowledge and skills. We need to make sure those new torches stay with us, but not be afraid to leave behind for others to learn from us as well. Go have the time of your life.
The Path To Honor
It is early morning here at The Kilns outside of Oxford England this morning as I write this post. The bright morning sun warms me as I sit in the rose garden for reflective time during this part of the day that has a crisp, almost bite, of coolness to it. My goal during my study time this week was to finish Prince Caspian. This was the second in the Chronicles of Narnia series and was published in 1951. The reason I wanted to read this chronicle was twofold; 1. I had not read it yet, and 2. Patti Callahan Henry refers to it in the book that inspired me to be here studying at The Kilns – Once Upon a Wardrobe. Her incredible historic novel was set in 1950 right after The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe had come out. In the book George Devonshire was trying to find out where Narnia came from. In Patti’s book George was excited to find out that C. S. Lewis was working on a second Narnia book, Prince Caspian, that would be published in 1951. I just needed to read Prince Caspian.
Glad I did. I am on page 118 of 127 in Prince Caspian and have found lots to reflect and ponder on, as you’ll find out in a moment. I’m glad I am old enough to read fairy tales again. In the dedication of The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe C. S. Lewis said to his goddaughter Lucy: “I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again…” I’ve said before that right now I am at a point where many times learn more and think more deeply with fiction as my muse rather than nonfiction. Happy to discuss or debate that with anyone.
Now, here is the passage in Prince Caspian that caused me pause this morning:
“‘But what do you want with a tail?’ asked Aslan. ‘Sir,’ said the Mouse, ‘I can eat and sleep and die for my King without one. But a tail is the honor and glory of a Mouse.’ ‘I have sometimes wondered, friend,’ said Aslan, ‘whether you do not think too much about your honor.’ ‘Highest of all High Kings,’ said Reepicheep, ‘permit me to remind you that a very small size has been bestowed on us Mice, and if we did not guard our dignity, some (who weigh worth by inches) would allow themselves very unsuitable pleasantries at our expense.’” 🐁 From Prince Caspian, The Chronicles of Narnia (Publication Order #2)
I heard it said once that honor is giving voice to what we value. It is interesting then that Aslan is questioning the mouse about thinking too much about honor. It is important to give honor to others not just to ourselves. I love how Lewis worked this lesson in. There are a thousand ways to nuance words and bend illustrations so that honor flows our way. It is hard not to. Ever been telling a story to honor someone else and also manage to weave in some praise for yourself? Ever been making a comment or asking a question in a meeting and skillfully worked in details of your latest/greatest thing? Don’t worry, you are not alone. We all do it. But Aslan’s point is a valid one; we think too much about our own honor. In the mouse’s case, the tail had become a source of vanity, because all the other mice had one.
Through Aslan, C. S. Lewis may have been suggesting that the mouse, Reepicheep, was too focused on his own honor and reputation, rather than on more important values such as loyalty, kindness, and selflessness. This could be a lesson about humility and the true meaning of honor and selflessness. It’s important to remember that true honor comes from within, from doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Selflessness, kindness, and loyalty are the qualities that truly define a person’s character and worth.
It all circles back to being one’s authentic self. By honoring our true-self and true-path, we come face to face with who we are. When we have that authentic face to face with who we are, our true path is revealed and we become inspired.
Which Way To Progress?
Our world is a very different place and as leaders we find ourselves needing new tools, new insights, new strategies, and new tactics for dealing with the ambiguity and challenges we currently face. This ambiguity has become a hot topic because of the unpredictable and volatile nature of today’s global environment. We are all faced with complex and uncertain situations where clear-cut solutions are not readily available. As such, leaders need to be comfortable with ambiguity and able to make decisions in the face of uncertainty. Embracing ambiguity can lead to innovative solutions, adaptability, and resilience in leaders, which are crucial qualities in today’s fast-paced ever-changing world. As I was visiting with professors at the University of Oxford Saïd Business School we were contemplating this. As I returned back to The Kilns I was also reminded of what C. S. Lewis said:
“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man. There is nothing progressive about being pig-headed and refusing to admit a mistake. And I think if you look at the present state of the world it’s pretty plain that humanity has been making some big mistakes. We’re on the wrong road. And if that is so we must go back. Going back is the quickest way on.” ~ C. S. Lewis
There is plenty of disagreement about what progress is these days, which should motivate us to decide our true north and find the right roads. We even need to decide, at the very core, what is progress. One of the points that Michael Smets, Professor of Management made in class, and he made it again today when we were visiting was, “We need to be humans first and experts second.” We need to remember that relationships matter. Also, as Lewis pointed out, we need to quit being “pig headed.” This includes admitting mistakes and changing direction.
What League Are You In?
This morning as I was studying at The Kilns, my friend and great school leader, Bret Bailey, from Hamilton Heights School Corporation in Arcadia, Indiana and I were texting back and forth. I was telling him of some of the things I was doing this week while in Oxford England. In one of the texts I commented that I was “…SO out of my league!” He texted back: “I think you’re IN whatever league you find yourself. 🙂 It’s blessed to have you be part of it.” I loved that thought of us being in whatever league we find ourselves. One reason I love this is that this thinking is so much different that the thought of “being in a league of our own.” It also keeps us from the dreaded imposter syndrome or the awful trap that some fall into of trying to fake it till you make it – the worst thing to do, EVER. So let’s unpack a “league” as being any loose affiliation of individuals/groups that are united in a common goal or vision.
Bret had me considering how important it is to foster a sense of unity and teamwork among those we serve. In other words, bringing them into our leagues. Belonging is so important and it is our job as leaders to help all belong. We also need to have the courage to become parts of leagues. Just like me jumping into learning here at the Saïd Business School at the University of Oxford. We need to be encouraging and encourage open communication, promote a culture of inclusiveness, and recognize and celebrate individual strengths so everyone can be brought together in the same league. By setting a positive example and creating a supportive environment, leaders can inspire their team members to work toward common goals and collaborate effectively. Thanks Bret for the inspiration to think deeply on this and reflect!
Bret and Hamilton Heights are modeling this as evidenced by the work I am honored to get to do with them facilitating their “THE Leadership Academy 4.0.” The 1.0 version of this was named “Teacher Leadership Academy.” The name alone made it a league of its own of just teachers. Remember, I believe everyone is a leader. It also is important to recognize that every person in a school is important to the success of our students. We have always included individuals from every position, not just teachers, but we have now explicitly changed the name to “THE Leadership Academy 4.0” to explicitly signal that everyone is invited to be a part of this league. I loved his email today from Bret to the new participants of the 2024-2025 cohort. “…The even better news is that YOU get to be part of it. This is the most “mixed” group from different buildings and departments we’ve had over the last three years…” I am so honored to be working with Hamilton Heights with this leadership development program. I love the fact that we are explicitly including all roles in the school. One thing that experience with all the schools that do it this way has taught me is that this “mixed” group, as Bret has called it, gives us the diversity of roles, diversity of experience and experiences, and diversity of points of view. Another great school corporation, Silver Creek School Corporation, has taken this same approach with their Focused Leader Academy that I facilitate for them. This coming year’s cohort has the first bus driver I’ve had go through a program. How exciting is that? I am so looking forward to it. Great leaders like Bret Bailey, Derek Arrowood (Hamilton Heights School Corporation Superintendent), and Chad Briggs (Silver Creek School Corporation Superintendent) get how important diversity is to successful leadership development. Taking an attitude of “being in whatever league we find ourselves” brings a wealth of knowledge and varying perspectives, which can help improve the way our leadership relates to those inside and outside of our schools and organizations. What league are you in?
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