Byron's Babbles

This week, while in Syracuse, New York, our Harvard Center for Education Policy Research National Center for Rural Education Research Networks team went to eat dinner at the great restaurant Oh My Darling. For dessert we had Beignets – WONDERFUL! Our server told us we would get chocolate and caramel sauces and lemon curd to dip our Beignets in. She also told us that mixing the chocolate and caramel together was wonderful – and it was! When we were done there was one Beignet left and I just couldn’t let it go to waste. So, I tried mixing the lemon curd and caramel together and it was delightful – really, better than the chocolate/caramel combination. I immediately had others at the table try the combination and they concurred. I shared the new combination with our server and she turned up her nose. She said, “There is no way that is better than the chocolate and caramel combo.” Immediately, someone on the team chimed in and backed me up and said, “Yes it is.” The challenge was on!

Our server then proceeded back to the kitchen to have them make her a single Beignet so she could try the new combination of Caramel and Lemon Curd to dip her Beignet in. We were ready to leave but waited with anticipation for our server to get back and report her taste testing results. What happened when she returned is why I am telling this story by writing this post. She returned with a smile on her face and said, “I am mad that I liked it.” This statement really intrigued me. I asked, “What do you mean by that?” Our server then stated, “It means that I am feeling conflicted or frustrated about enjoying something that I expected not to like.” She had found something, on my recommendation that went against her usual preferences or beliefs, but still found herself enjoying it. It was a playful way of expressing surprise or annoyance at her own enjoyment.

The way our server expressed her surprise or frustration at enjoying something unexpected had a profound effect on me. I kept asking everyone in our group, “Have you ever been mad that you liked something?” This is a pretty good prompt and I encourage you to contemplate the question. Of course, I had to do a little research on this and the feelings our server was having is an actual psychological thing. It’s called “dimorphous expressions,” or expressions of emotion that seem at odds with what a person is actually feeling. Interesting, right?

Oriana Aragón, an assistant professor of marketing at Clemson University and Yale Psychology Professor John Bargh studied why we have contradictory expressions. It seems that discovering something new that we like a lot can throw us off our game, causing a mix of emotions. You can probably think of times when this has happened to you. I know I can. I’m thinking of those simple times when someone wants us to try a food we’ve never tried and we say no, just knowing we weren’t going to like it. We might just miss out on something we really enjoy.

For me, this was a reminder to resist being skeptical or resistance to trying something new just because we don’t think it will work or be good. I’m thinking about things that aren’t just food here. It could be a new product idea, new technology to use, new vacation spot, or new idea for delivering content to those we serve. This experience was another huge reminder to use our curiosity and take risks. We won’t know if we don’t try. We won’t know if we aren’t open to others’ opinions, ideas, and experiences. As my favorite quote from an unknown author goes, “To argue with someone else’s experience of reality is futile…To add their experience to yours is possibly useful.” What are you ready to be mad that you like?